


Spark's Fly

by WishaDream



Category: Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Development, Childhood Trauma, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Depression, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Drama, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Inspired by Music, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Series, Short Chapters, Slow Burn, Supportive Girlfriend, Sweet, Trauma, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Verbal Abuse, chapters, i'm terrible at summaries, karlie as model, long short story, spark's fly, taylor as agent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 27,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24808177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishaDream/pseuds/WishaDream
Summary: Karlie Kloss has a new agent, a bright eyed girl named Taylor who changes Karlie's life in ways she never could have imagined.Fixed line spacing 7-29-20
Relationships: Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

I’ll admit I’m a little nervous. Okay, a lot nervous.

I don’t really know why; I’m just meeting my new agent. Correction. My temporary agent. For the next six months my previous agent, is on maternity leave. I told the new mother to take as long as she needs.

“I’ll be fine on my own for six months.”

I’d been so confident when I’d said it, but now I’m second guessing myself. Though I’ve been modeling for years, though I’ve started my own business, I still find myself losing confidence on occasion.

If I think about it my nerves are because this will be my new agent’s first job. Though her father is Gregory Quick, a top manager in the field, to have this be someone’s first job—even I get a little stressed by how busy things can be. How is someone who’s never done this before going to balance everything?

“Miss Kloss?”

The voice is tentative but bright, filled with energy and a hopefulness that fills me with courage as I turn to face her. As soon as my eyes fall on her it feels like the world around me has completely stopped and it’s just the two of us. But, really, it is. We’re in my apartment lobby. It’s that time just after most everyone has left for work and it feels like you are completely alone. But I’m not alone anymore.

“I’m Taylor, Taylor Quick,” she extends her hand, a bubbliness in the whole action which makes my face tingle like it does when soda is over carbonated. “I know I probably shouldn’t say this, it’s unprofessional, but since the first time I saw you I thought I’d really like to bake cookies with you. That’s stupid, isn’t it?”

I take her hand, forgetting for a moment how to speak, “No,” I return her smile, “I’d enjoy baking cookies with you.”

I know she’s older than me by a few years but there’s a childlike energy to her that charges me as my nervousness completely washes away.

“I apologize in advance for messing things up.” Her eyes drop as she reaches her hand up to her opposite ear as she tucks the hair behind.

The nervous gesture makes me smile as I assure her, “Gladys,” my previous manager, “made sure my schedule is light for the first week to help ease you into things. And I’ll be here to help you.”

“I’m the one that should be helping you.”

Her eyes remain down. I move closer as I let my voice take on a firm tone as I assure her, “We’ll help each other. That’s what friends do.”

Her eyes lift for a moment, lingering on mine for a moment, before dropping again, “Friends?”

Her face takes on a small smile as she lights up as if a spotlight has just landed on her. A confusing mixture of emotions course through me but I push them aside as we head out together.

Together. Never has the word sounded so pleasant.


	2. Chapter 2

Usually I get up earlier, but because of Taylor’s late arrival I start things later in the day. Our first stop is the gym. I invite Taylor to join me but she insists she can’t.

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

“I can get you something in the store.”

I let my eyes analyze her figure as I decide what size to pick out for her. As my eyes travel up her legs realize just how long they are followed by the realization that she’s tall.

Most of my days are spent around fellow Amazons, but for the average person on the street both of us look like giants. I should remember this since my manager is average height. When we walk together I have to slouch down so I can hear her over the surrounding crowd. But Taylor is just a little shorter than me. A comfortable height difference. A height that would make it possible for her to put her arm over my shoulder while I put my arm around Taylor’s waist.

“I think it’s best I use this time to study my notes.”

For a moment I’m lost for what she means, then I remember what we’d been talking about. I also notice she’s holding up her phone. An app is open I recognize it as the notes my manager usually studies; they outline my day’s events.

Leaving her to that I begin my intense training. I lose myself in that, forgetting almost completely about Taylor as she sits on a work out bench, her head down, eyes fixed on her phone.

At the end I swing a towel over my shoulder as I use the end of it to wipe the sweat from my eyes. When I turn to let Taylor know I’m done I find her sitting with her lips pursed in a look of concentration. An intense look on her face that tells me she’s not paying attention to the world around her. When my sisters get like this I like to sneak over and jump scare them. I move slowly in order to do this, looking like a ninja in my black spandex.

The best scares come from behind so I don’t stop the sneak until I’m directly at her back. Before I can lunge I notice her thumbs moving across the screen as she types something. Leaning down she still doesn’t notice me as I try to sneak a peek. I doubt it’s my manager notes would make her this entranced. Perhaps the texts of a lover?

I bite my lip as I scan the page. A messenger isn’t open but Google Docs. Before I can stop myself I read: “Hold on, you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it. And letting go and no one knows what you cry, but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one and you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

“That’s so…sadly beautiful.”

Taylor looks startled as she turns back to face me. The look in her eyes tells me I’ve just peaked into something personal as she clutches the phone to her heart.

I had expected us to experience problems our first day but I hadn’t suspected it would be because of something I’d do.

I lean away as I hold up my hands in apology, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have pried. But your writing—you did write it?”

She nods looking as if admitting it pains her.

“Those words evoke so much imagery,” I motion up at the sky like the pictures are appearing in clouds above me, “it’s tragic and yet…it’s beautiful.” I look back down, “Is writing your passion?”

Again I can tell from her eyes that I’ve treaded on fenced in territory. Space with a large “No trespassing” sign set up in front.

“It’s just a hobby.”

I can tell she means the words as a brush off but her voice is filled with regret.

“That’s too bad. You have some real talent. Have you never considered doing something with it?”

“Once,” she gets a faraway look in her eyes. For a long beat she becomes lost in it, then she continues, her voice sounding as if it’s still coming from that distant place, “I used to dream of writing and singing my songs.”

“Why don’t you?”

Before I can say more she breaks in, “My dad said I can’t sing. That I should save the spotlight for those who are actually talented.”

Her voice breaks at the end as her eyes drop. My eyes follow hers, landing on her phone which is tightly gripped in her lap. Her words say she’s done with the dream but the way she clutches her phone tells me she hasn’t given up yet.

“I could hear those words in a song,” I give her a reassuring smile but I don’t think she sees as her eyes remain fixed on her phone, “If you wanted to sing, did you learn to play any instruments?”

“I took guitar and piano lessons, but…I’m not anything special.”

“Did you ever write melodies for your songs?”

I’m reminded of a time I went to the zoo with my family. There was a petting zoo I talked my parents into taking me. I really wanted to pet a goat there and tried to entice it with the food they provided us. But no matter how much I called to it, or how tantalizing I tried to make the food, it kept its head turned away.

I feel like I’m there again as I try to draw Taylor back to me, out of the shadows and into the light of hope.

“I wrote a few songs, but none of them were any good. I realize that now, now that I’m grown up.”

The way she says it makes it sound like a bad thing.

“Weren’t things so much simpler when we were young? Sometimes I think it would be nice to have never grown up,” for a moment I think I see her head lift but her eyes remain down, “Never lost those unrealistic dreams, like being a princess living in a giant pink castle.”

There. I see it. A smile playing at the edges of Taylor’s lips. My chest swells with the little triumph as I consider how to draw her out more.

“I once made a castle,” I’m surprised when she takes the next move, adding, “it was made out of popsicle sticks. I built it with a slide and everything.”

“That sounds amazing. I made a ranch house for my horses out of shoe boxes.”

She looks like she’s going to say more but a cough to the side interrupts her. I frown as I turn to see a muscular man standing to our side. His eyes are fixed on Taylor, specifically the machine on which she is seated.

Curling back into herself, Taylor rises, nodding bashfully in apology, as she skirts to the side. I feel my mouth tense with displeasure as I shoot the man a dirty look before following Taylor as she heads back to the locker room.

Catching up, I slow as we walk in sync, “If you ever want a second opinion on your music I’d love to lend an ear.”

Again she does that opposite hand ear tuck as her cheeks redden in a cute way. She doesn’t agree but she doesn’t disagree either.

“When we get to know each other better, consider it.”

She’s looking at the floor but I still catch the edges of her mouth curve in a smile.

I almost run into the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

After the gym we head back to my place.

Today I’m filming Klossy’s Kitchen for my video blog. Usually I do it all on my own, with my manager showing up after to accompany me to my other activities. Taylor is eager to help so I show her how to use the camera before getting things out.

I’m making two things. The first uses bananas. As I peal them Taylor moves in to do a close up of my hands. She’s so close I can smell her scent as it mixes with the banana’s odor. As I take a deep breath I’m transported back to a tropical island. The sea breeze is blowing through my hair and I can hear the ocean waves at a distance as they crash against the shore line.

“Karlie?”

Taylor looks concerned as I realize I’ve dropped my banana.

I wash it off as I joke, “We’ll just take that part out in post.”

My hands are shaking as I end up dropping the wet fruit in the sink. When I get it doubly clean I move onto putting it in the blender with some other fruits. When Taylor does the close up this time I end up putting more chia seeds into the mixture than needed.

“Do you want to shoot that again?”

I smile at the camera as I assure the future audience they don’t need to add as much as me, “I just really like my chia seeds.” Taylor smiles as if she believes the lie. But that’s what it is.

I don’t know why I’m acting so flustered. I’m used to working in front of an audience. I’ve modeled clothing, lingerie even, and haven’t felt more than a hearts flutter at the surrounding audience. But in those times the lights make it hard to see their faces as I become lost in my runway gaze.

Here in the kitchen Taylor’s face is all I can see. Taylor with her frizzy curls, large glasses, and self-conscious smile.

Instead of focusing on that I concentrate on the potatoes as I start to dice them. After they are all cut I turn to drop them into a bowl and almost run into Taylor. When I don’t move, pausing with the potatoes clutched in my hands, she looks up from the camera. Her sapphire eyes seem to hit me like those ocean waves from before as I feel myself step back.

“Are you okay?”

She sounds worried and my voice is too tight to respond. I manage a nod before dropping the potatoes into the container.

I am Karlie Kloss. I do not get befuddled. Sure I make mistakes, but I make it a point to not do so in front of people. I have an image to protect. I can be goofy at times, but that is when I’m trying to be for my friends or the audience. But right now I’m not in control at all.

I have to play it cool, no matter how much my hands are shaking. No matter if I nick my finger while slicing the garlic, ouch. I’m cool and I’m collected.

It’s because I’m maintaining that air that I notice Taylor’s eyes follow the plate of food as I set it down for a finishing shot.

“You haven’t eaten breakfast, have you?”

From her expression as she shakes her head, I can tell she probably missed the meal because of nerves. Right now I can completely understand her as my stomach is so tied up in knots I can’t even imagine eating without wanting to throw up.

At first she looks like she’s going to refuse the food, but as I waft the smell towards her she gives in.

Her eyes brighten when she takes the first bite. “What can’t you do?”

The admiration in her eyes make my cheeks heat as I brush my hair back.

“Join me?”

Again I can’t verbalize my assent as I give her a single nod before grabbing my own plate. We sit in silence for a time as Taylor makes sounds of enjoyment. I put the fork into my mouth to hide my smile as I look off to the side. When you don’t know someone that well sometimes the silence can be awkward. But sitting here now I feel as if I’ve known her forever.

“Is managing your passion now?”

I’ve stepped on another land mine as I watch Taylor’s shoulders curve inward, “It’s my dad’s career.”

I can tell by the way she says it, coupled with the angry way she stabs at the potatoes, that it’s not even close to her passion, “And he wants you to continue in the family business?”

She nods, looking away in that way that people do when they don’t want to keep talking about something.

“I’ve always wanted to learn to play an instrument. While we are together do you think you could teach me?”

Her eyes come back to mine. I can tell she suspects what I’m up to, but I put on a wide smile to cover the guilt. She’s not convinced but she doesn’t say anything as we finish our meal.

Our next stop takes us across town to a studio where I’m recording one of Wired’s “Web’s Most Searched Questions.”

I watched a few of their videos beforehand just to get a feel for what is expected. Some just answered the questions, moving through them at a quick pace, others took their time going into great detail. Still others didn’t answer the questions at all as they played the interview silly. I’m not sure yet how I’ll do it, maybe a little of all three.

The first question is something that has come up for a lot of people, “Who is Karlie Kloss?”

I’d decided before hand how I would respond if I got this question. I’m sure it’s not the funniest thing to say but I find myself smiling as I reply, “I ask myself that every morning. I might have amnesia.”

Some behind the camera chuckle. Taylor cracks a smile. It is soft and flutters away like a butterfly as she drops her eyes to her phone.

A question about if I have tattoos comes up, “Since my mother is probably going to watch this, I’m going to say, “Of course not. I would never do that to my body.”

The camera man laughs as I give the future audience a playful wink. Taylor’s lips pull in; I hope it’s an attempt to hide a smile.

For a moment I lose myself in the questions, when I look back Taylor has got that far away look again as she types on her phone. She’s lost in her world of music and for now I don’t hold the key to get inside.


	4. Chapter 4

Our last stop is at a school where I’m giving a talk to a middle school class. I share with them my experience as a model then tell them about my passion for coding and charity. I explain what exactly coding is and why it’s important to me that girls become a part of it.

When I get into talking about Karlie’s Kookies I leave out how we had run a contest where I would get a chance to meet up with kids. That way I could talk with them about their dreams and encourage them to pursue them. But some dads started entering their kids just for a chance to rub elbows with me. That and other body parts. Gross. We dropped the contest halfway through.

After the talk Taylor and I stick around to just hang out. While I’m swarmed Taylor stands off to the side like an island alone. I want to head over but feel like even if I were standing beside her the distance between us is too great for me to reach her. I see this more when her phone buzzes and the expression on her face darkens. She looked like she’d been writing again but after she receives the text she drops her phone to the side and stares off into the distance.

When I am able to break away from the crowd I notice a little girl shyly approaching Taylor. I stop just close enough to hear as I look away as if not listening in to the conversation.

“I like your curls,” says the little girl. She smiles shyly.

Up till that moment Taylor looked like she’d feel more comfortable in front of a firing range, but on seeing the girl her face lights up.

Kneeling down so she’s at eye level with the girl she tells her, “Thank you. I like your dress.”

The girl clutches her hem as she twirls back and forth. Her head drops as she smiles shyly at the ground.

“I used to have a dress just like it. Whenever I’d wear it I’d pretend I was a princess from a far off land.”

The girl holds her hand up to her mouth as she leans in to whisper loudly, “I do that too.”

Taylor smiles as she pulls the girl into a hug, “Never lose that wonder.”

The teacher calls to the class, ending the hug as we say our final goodbyes before leaving.

At the cab I look back at Taylor. It’s then I realize this is the end.

I know I’ll see her tomorrow, but right now I can’t yet manage a goodbye.

“Did you want to hang out?”

Her smile is soft but tells me nothing about her answer.

And just like that I’m back in middle school trying to make friends.

“It would be good if we got to know each other better, since we are going to be working together for a while.”

Does she see through my lame excuse?

“I can get us into a club, or if that’s not your thing, I know some really good places to eat.”

Her smile remains as her eyes slowly turn to the side.

I’m in a plane, nose diving towards the ocean. Despite the blaring alarms and the impending danger I don’t pull up.

“What is something you’ve always wanted to do but been afraid to try?”

Her eyes return to me, “Are you offering to grant my wish?”

Her mouth curves up ever so slightly, increasing the intensity of her smile.

“If that’s what it takes.”

I say it playfully and win a short laugh for my effort. I love the sound.

It’s been so long since I’ve been this nervous. I don’t even think I felt this way back when I was trying to make friends at school.

For her wish Taylor requests I take her to the basketball game that night.

“I’ve never been to one.”

“Not even in high school?”

“My home town was more big on football.”

I had planned to see the game after this and had purchased a front row seat. Most of the seats are filled but I’m able to pull some strings and get Taylor a seat beside me.

While we wait for the game to start I ask, “Do you like basketball?”

“My little brother does. He played on the team in high school.”

“You have a little brother? How much younger?”

“Four years.”

I smile as I think of my siblings, “I have three sisters. One older, two younger.”

“You’re lucky. I always wanted a big family.”

As she smiles I realize something I’d missed, “If your brother played how did you not see any games?”

“Our parents were divorced by that time. They moved away and I don’t see him much, except for holidays.”

“That’s too bad.”

She shrugs as if it doesn’t matter but I can tell by her expression it matters a lot.

We lose ourselves in talk of our siblings. We’re like two proud parents as we show off photos of them. It takes a moment before we realize the game has started as we move our focus to that. Or I try to as instead of watching the ball I notice the prim and proper way Taylor sits, straight back, knees together, hands resting lightly on her lap. Beside her I must look like an ogre, my legs spread apart as I hunch forward, resting my elbows on my knees.

Before I can try to correct my posture and “sit like a lady” the home team steals the ball. I lose myself in cheering for them to “shoot it!” as the crowd around me whoops along. As the ball scores Taylor loses herself in the excitement as she raises her arms above her head and claps.

We both get so lost in the game that at one intense moment I realize I’ve grabbed a hold of Taylor. I’ve done this before when I’m at home watching the game with my sisters. But something about this feels different as my body goes tense as soon as I realize what I’m doing. Strangest thing is that Taylor lets me hold on as she grabs me at one moment as we cry out at a rough play.

Eventually I do let go as I begrudgingly admit we can’t do it forever. My palms are slick as I rub them on my jeans before focusing on the game again.

It’s the crowd that draws my attention away the next time, “Who’s your friend?”

The man to my right looks at me with blurred eyes as he tips back his plastic cup. I can tell he’s had more than one from the way his mouth continues to move long after he’s stopped talking.

I probably shouldn’t answer him but I do, “My manager.”

He snorts out a laugh as he almost falls out of his chair while motioning behind me, “You two seem pretty close.”

“Today is our first day together.”

His eyes widen so much I can see the whites around his iris. I start to turn away, a signal that I’m done with the conversation. He’s not, as he grabs my arm, pulling my attention back to him as he leans forward, as if sharing a secret with me, “That makes sense. Why would someone that looks like you,” he motions to my body, his eyes lingering on my chest, “hang out with someone that looks like her?”

The man almost falls back again as I rise while throwing his hand off my arm.

Behind me Taylor notices me standing as she asks with concern to her tone, “Everything okay?”

Her big blue eyes are staring up at me. They remind me of my ocean side photo shoots.

Has Taylor ever seen the ocean? She seems like a down home girl who hasn’t driven further than the next town over. But that can’t be true. Not with who her father is. But father’s don’t take their children everywhere.

“Let’s go.”

I take a hold of Taylor’s hand, feeling as if I’ve touched an electric fence, as I pull her back towards the exit.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m tired of these seats.”

Outside I signal for a cab. When I look back I can see the goodbye forming in her eyes. Before I can stop it she says, “It’s getting late. I should be getting back. My dad will worry.”

A thousand excuses run through my mind but none of them will make her stay. Instead of saying any of them I nod as I watch her walk away.

I’ve never regretted anything more than letting her go.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the month flies by as work picks up.

Taylor is amazing as she keeps up with it all, being able to adapt to any and every situation. She does have trouble with one of the photographers and when she looks like a lamb at the slaughter I step in to help my friend.

Friend.

We haven’t used the word since our first meeting but the more and more time we spend together the more I find myself associating the word to her. I feel like I’ve known her forever. Though there’s still a lot I don’t know about her, there is a lot we have in common. We both love animals, we both have eclectic souls, liking to collect polaroid’s and memories. The only other people who are so similar were raised in the same house as me. And Taylor is like a sister to me. And yet…she’s closer to me than a sister.

One morning we both show up wearing the exact same outfit. It’s eerie and yet I find my pulse quickening as she laughs at the wardrobe mishap.

“What do they say about doppelgangers?”

That you die soon after you see yours. But I feel most alive when I’m with her.

The more time we spend together the more I notice. Little ticks, like the opposite hand hair brush. Or how when she’s really laughing, not polite laughing, that she almost falls over.

Taylor has a boyfriend, though she hasn’t said much about him. I wonder if he notices things like that. Like how she only does the opposite hand thing when her mind is elsewhere.

Does he know that she finds sea urchins freaky and doesn’t want to go to the beach for fear of finding one? Or that she’s easily startled, but loves surprises. The good kind.

He has to know all this; her face is an open book. It doesn’t hide anything; not when she’s displeased, and especially not when she’s happy. And yet, sometimes it feels like there is something hidden just beneath the surface. Her face might reveal all her emotions, but it is her writing which exposes her heart.

Does she ever sing to him?

She has yet to sing to me but middle of our second month together I finally talked her into teaching me guitar. It’s only after I purchase the instrument and show it to her that she finally agrees. I can tell by the way her eyes light up on seeing it, and the gentle way she caresses it, that she’s entranced.

“I bought it just so you could teach me. Are you really going to make me return this?”

After she shows me a few notes she has me reproduce the hand positions on the fret board. When I struggle with one she comes around behind me to help me adjust my fingering. As her arm touches mine I feel my body tense, a reaction I’ve never had with another person’s presence. I feel her breath on my ear as she instructs me but all I can hear is my pounding heart.

“Can you finger it?”

My skin feels cold as she moves away.

Moving around in front of me, she gives me a raised brow, “What?”

“Can you do that thing where your fingers pull the strings individually?”

“You mean this?”

She picks up her guitar as she begins to pick at each of the strings with an individual finger.

“Wow, you are amazing. Can you play me something you wrote?” She starts to set her guitar aside as I put on my widest smile, “Please.”

She lets out a slow sigh before bringing the guitar back in front of her.

“I wrote this a long time ago. It’s rough.”

Slowly the melody begins as she starts to sing in a low sad voice, “I tried to take the road less traveled by, but nothing seems to work the first few times.” There’s a pause then the beat quickens as the melancholy melody continues, “So how can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in and I can still see you. This ain’t the best view on the outside looking in. And I’ve been a lot of lonely places I’ve never been on the outside…” she plays a few bars then sings, “You saw me there, but never knew that I would give it all up to be a part of this, a part of you. You could have helped if you had wanted to, but no on notices until it’s too late to do anything.”

The song ends with a sad riff. When she lifts her eyes I can see a glistening in her eyes. My heart aches at the sight as I move across the room to sit beside her.

“That was beautiful.”

“It’s not done. I wrote it a long time ago, but never finished it.”

“You should. The way you write is how you feel. You put your heart out there and when I hear that I respond to it. I know others would too if given the chance. Everyone feels like an outsider, everyone has had their heart broken, and you have a magical way of saying it.”

She opposite hand hair tucks as she stares at the floor, “You really think so?”

“I know so. Your dad is wrong. Be proud of your skills. Don’t hide them away.”

I can tell she’s still struggling as I ask if she wants to watch something.

“There are some new movies on Netflix I wanted to watch. But not alone.”

I can tell she’s not fully with me but she agrees as we sit together on my Lazy-Boy recliner. I haven’t had a need to get a couch but as we slide in together I realize just how intimate this chair makes things. We are so close I can feel Taylor’s hand resting against my leg. Realizing this makes a fluttering sensation run up my body as I feel a tightening in the base of my stomach.

Before I can assess the sensations my yorkie leaps up on the chair, sniffing my lap for a moment before going over and curling up on Taylor’s lap. Taylor looks surprised at the event as I feel my face stretch with a smile.

“He usually only likes to sit on my lap. He must still be mad at me for the new clothes I got him.”

Taylor’s smile is soft like down as she pets Joe’s back, “I don’t know why. He looks adorable.”

“Do you have any pets?”

Her hand pauses, “I wanted a cat growing up, but my dad doesn’t like animals. And I…” she grows quiet as if she was about to say something and changed her mind.

“You’re not going to live with him forever, you can get a cat when you move out. You can even get two cats.”

Her hand goes back to petting Joe’s back as she gets that far away sound to her voice, “Maybe.”

We both grow quiet as the movie starts. A friend recommended it, saying it had good jump scares. I didn’t suspect how good until we experience the first one. Both Taylor and I grab onto each other in the same moment. We laugh off the first time but after that we hold each other and don’t let go as we squeeze closer and closer with each startling moment.

Eventually I realize just how much the movie is affecting Taylor as I feel my arm go numb with her tight hold. The next scene, as she holds on, I keep a hand free as I point to the screen.

“That’s so silly. Just picture someone doing that on the stairs. You wouldn’t be freaked out, more like weirded out. And it would be pretty funny, right?”

Taylor looks at me like I’ve lost it. As if the fear has broken my mind. When the next scare comes Taylor buries her face in my shoulder, my heart skips for a moment, but I push thought as I tell her, “I don’t actually believe in ghosts, so this all seems a little preposterous to me.”

She’s still clutching my shirt as she peeks up at me, “You really don’t believe in ghosts.”

I shake my head slowly to emphasize my words.

“And that,” she points to the screen, “Doesn’t scare you.”

“It’s gross, but it’s not scary. Let’s just watch something else. Have you seen the Crown?”

I already watched it in a single weekend but when Taylor shakes her head I start the show up. Things are more relaxed after that as we get comfortable. Taylor stretches out, lopping her legs over mine as Joe readjusts to get more comfortable on her lap.

Traitorous dog.

But I can’t blame him.

In the pause between episodes I get up to make us some popcorn. Her phone buzzes and I notice her look at the screen before turning it face down. It continues to vibrate before going silent.

I wonder for a moment whose calls she is screening. Probably not her boyfriend’s, but I haven’t heard her mention him in a while.

Best not to think about it.

As I come back Taylor says, “I heard your walk is pretty unique. I’ve never had a chance to see it.”

I set the popcorn on the coffee table as I move back to the other wall, “Then let me give you a personal viewing.”

Starting at the back wall I start to strut my stuff, moving from one side of the room I turn and start back. At the middle I strike a pose. Taylor claps her hands as she whoops like we are at a basketball game. Getting into it I show her my goofy walk which gets me her genuine laugh as she leans forward, almost collapsing forward with it.

I love her full bodied laughs.

Does she ever laugh like this with him?

I make myself miserable thinking about it.


	6. Chapter 6

After three months together I move things around so I have a weekend off. With that free time I convince Taylor to join me at a recording studio.

“Just play one song. I already told Dougie this is your first time doing this and he promised to just listen, no matter how rough it sounds.”

Taylor looks nervous. I reach out, squeezing her hand in reassurance.

“I believe you have something special in there,” I point to her heart, “And I don’t think you want to bottle it up anymore.”

She’s still nervous when she picks up her guitar, almost dropping it. I start to get up but sit back down as she takes in a breath to calm herself. Looking to my right my music friend waits patiently as she sits down and tunes her guitar for a moment.

A melancholy tune begins as she softly “oohs” and “aahs” along with it before she starts, “I guess you really did it this time, left yourself in your warpath…” there is an ache to her voice, a raw emotion that makes my chest tighten with emotion. I glance at Dougie to see if he’s experiencing anything but his face is passive, “Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything and everybody believed in you? It’s alright, just wait and see. Your string of lights is still bright to me. Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been. You’re still an innocent.”

I’m transported to my past, with fireflies and warm blankets wrapped with steaming cocoa, “Who you are is not what you did. You’re still an innocent.” Key change, “Time turns flames to embers. You’ll have new Septembers, every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather, I hope you remember, today is never too late to be brand new.”

She draws out the last words as I feel my eyes burn with emotion. Again I look to my right but he’s like stone. I give up on him as I lose myself completely in the song. When the final chord sounds I take in a shaky breath as I turn away to hide my emotions.

Never has a song made me feel so much. Everything about her is magical.

Taylor looks nervous when I look back as she stares at Dougie.

“You wrote that?” is his only response.

She nods, looking sick as she chokes out a, “Yes. I wrote it. I wrote and composed the melody when I was fifteen.”

He sits back, folding his arms over his chest as he shows an emotion for the first time, “Fifteen.” His lower lip sticks out as he nods his head with an impressed expression, “You’ve got some real skill. But I’d like see how much you’ve grown since then. Can you play something for me you’ve written recently?”

Taylor looks crestfallen as she admits, “I haven’t written much lately. I’d given up on doing this.”

He clicks his tongue, “You seem to have had some real talent. That’s a shame.”

I leap to her defense as I say, “She still does. I’ve seen some of her recent stuff.”

Taylor’s lips tell me she’s not happy with me butting in.

Dougie rubs his stubble as he asks, “If that’s the case, why don’t you play one of them?”

“I’ve only written lines of text. I haven’t made anything into a full song. And I haven’t composed a melody in years.”

My eyes dart from her back to Dougie as he stands, “If you write something new call me, I might be interested.”

He says something to me but I barely register it as I say my goodbyes. Taylor looks as stunned as I feel as she stands with her guitar hanging in her hand. Breaking free of the stupor first, I rush over as I take her hands in mine.

“Did you hear that? He wants to hear more. That’s a good sign.”

“It is?”

I nod, “It means he sees potential. You got your foot in the door, Taylor.”

The gloom that had settled on her fades away as her face lights up. The next moment we’re both beaming as we hold each other while bounce around the room like preteens after finding out they got tickets to their favorite band.

Though I don’t know if anything will come of this I choose to be optimistic as we talk about how she can prepare for down the road.

“But what should I write about?”

“Just continue writing like you’ve always done. About your life. About your experiences. About your heart.”

A soft smile plays on her lips as she looks off at the sky as we head outside, “My heart. Yeah, I’ll do that.”

A light breeze plays at the curls cascading down the side of her face. I watch them flutter as I feel my heart shiver in my chest. This hope I see in her eyes, I’d love to see more of her.


	7. Chapter 7

Taylor visits Dougie on her own the next time. I only hear about it afterwards.

Though I’m a little disappointed I’m excited when I get the news, “he loved the new song I wrote.”

My heart drops for a moment at that thought I wasn’t the first to hear the song, before it rises with joy at the good news.

“We need to celebrate.”

Taylor asks if she can bring her boyfriend and I begrudgingly agree. I haven’t made a point to learn his name. I know it’s childish and I don’t really understand the reason behind it, but maybe it’s because I don’t think he’s good enough for her.

My opinion on this is only emphasized when Taylor leaves to use the restroom. I stay behind, which is a mistake, as her boyfriend, who acts like he’s already three drinks in, asks in slurred speech, “You and Taylor are pretty close. Have you ever considered having a three way?” he motions to himself as my lip curls in disgust, “I would be more than willing to offer myself as the third.”

“Don’t be disgusting. You are Taylor’s boyfriend. She should be the only girl you think about. The only girl you see.”

I slam my hand down on the table as I shoot to my feet. The action startles both of us, but I’m too angry to consider the scene I’m making. Leaving the table I head back to the bathroom, intercepting Taylor just as she is coming out. Seeing my face she asks, “What’s wrong?” I consider telling her about her boyfriend’s words, but I can’t bring myself to say it.

“Your boyfriend was leering at another woman. He doesn’t deserve you. Let’s leave him with the check.”

Taylor looks too stunned to respond so I lead her out of the restaurant. We get into a cab and it’s two blocks later before cool down enough to realize I’ve basically just kidnapped my friend. Glancing over I find her staring out the window.

How special was he to her? I know she’s talked about him on occasion but I never really listened. Every time I did my stomach went sour.

“I haven’t been a good friend.”

She turns to face me.

“I haven’t liked your boyfriend for a long time. And I never gave him a chance. But you deserve someone better, Taylor. Someone who sees your inner beauty, as well as the outer. You’re,” my hands and mind pause as I consider my next words, “You’re too special to take for granted. You love so much and you deserve someone who will love you just as much.”

She takes in a slow breath as I feel my heart clench in anticipation of her response. Slowly her lips part with a smile, “Thank you, Karlie. I needed that.”

I remain still as she leans close. My body tenses when her head rests against my shoulder.

“You are a good friend.”

It’s the first time I’ve heard the word since we first said it. But this time it feels like a bullet wound. I force a smile.

“So are you.”


	8. Chapter 8

I clear my schedule for a whole weekend as I accompany Taylor to the recording studio for her first session. Up till now she’s been my manager but today I feel like I’m hers.

I’m not a very good one, as I worry in the sound booth while Dougie gets Taylor set up in the recording booth.

“This new song Taylor wrote has real potential,” says Dougie as he comes back into the sound booth, “I’m thinking we’ll record several songs, release one of them as a single, let that get people’s interest while we finish an album.”

My eyes widen, “Does she have that many songs written?”

“She has a lot. But we’ll have to glean out the gems. She has the potential to be a sensation with her debut album and I want to make sure that she is. And since she already has most of these songs written it will just take us making those sounds a reality.”

My heart swells with pride as I look back at Taylor. She looks nervous. I hold up my thumbs as I put on a wide smile. She returns my grin with her stretched lip smile. It’s a silly smile she saves for times when she’s nervous and trying not to be.

I love that smile.

“Let’s start with the song you played for me when Karlie wasn’t here.”

As the melody begins to play Dougie leans back in his chair to tell me, “Taylor and I arranged this together. She said she wanted something upbeat to emphasize how it hasn’t affected her.”

I don’t understand what he means but as the lyrics start I get an idea, “You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me. You have knocked me off my feet again. Got me feeling like a nothing.”

I can’t be sure its coincidence that she shared this song with Dougie soon after her break up. My chest tightens as I realize she’s written the song for her ex. But I did tell her to write what she feels, what is near to her heart. And he had been, for a time at least.

“Calling me out when I’m wounded. You, picking on the weaker man.”

Though she said she wanted to keep it up beat I notice a break in her voice as she sings, “You can take me down with just one single blow.”

Looking at Dougie I see he notices the change in tone as he asks Taylor to sing the line again, “Keep it upbeat.”

She does but again starts to lose it on, “Your wildfire lies and your humiliation. You have pointed out my flaws a gain, as if I don’t already see them. I walk with my head down, trying to block you out, cause I’ll never impress you. I just wanna feel okay again. I bet you got pushed around. Somebody made you cold. But the cycle ends right now.”

“Could you do that again?”

I can tell Taylor is getting flustered. Maybe this song wasn’t the best choice for a first recording. The wounds are still too fresh. I start to say as much when she sings, “Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things. Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing. But all you are is mean. And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean.”

The lyrics ring wrong to me as I picture her boyfriend. I don’t even think he knew she sang.

“Let’s go through it again,” says Dougie over the comms, “from the top.”

She starts out as strong as before but this time she breaks down by the second verse. Before anyone can say anything I ask Dougie if she can take a break.

“This is her first studio session. She’s really nervous.”

He makes a shrug as he tells the room to take five. Once everyone is gone I head into the sound booth.

“Taylor, are you okay?”

Her hands are shaking as she holds the back of her hand up to cover her mouth. On her song trey I notice her phone screen is on. It shows she’s received a text from her dad.

I look back at her she goes, “Sorry,” her voice is strained as she struggles to get out the words, “I just need to be alone right now.”

The words hurt me but I nod as I back out.

“I’ll let the guys know. Text me when you are ready to keep going.”

She nods as she keeps her face turned away. I can tell she’s in a great deal of pain but her walls are up and I’m not going to be able to get through. It kills me to know that I can’t do anything.

Something I don’t love: The feeling of complete helplessness when your friend is hurting.


	9. Chapter 9

Wanting to put Taylor’s needs above my own I let her take off to record her album. She argues, “Managing is my job, not dreaming.”

“You’re wrong about that. Dreaming is exactly what your job is.”

“But my dad wouldn’t want me to do this.”

“I won’t tell him if you don’t.”

Eventually I get her to give up the position as my manager, “Temporarily. Once you finish you are coming back.”

She smiles as she nods, “Deal.” She holds up her hand. I don’t understand why till I notice her extended pinky.

My heart pounds as I wrap my finger around hers.

“Promise.” Though I don’t usually do this, this time I lean down as I kiss my hand while our fingers are still intertwined. She gives me a curious look as I explain, “Sealed with a kiss.”

She gives me a derpy look as we both burst out laughing.

Though I want her to succeed I’d love it if she was still with me as I head into the elevator alone. The strangers around me are silent, a sound that feels wrong. In these situations Taylor and I would be chattering away about various things. We wouldn’t care about the dirty looks and would whisper to each other about the vacant looks in their eyes.

People always act as if what we are doing is wrong. Like it’s a rule to remain silent in elevators. Like the sounds of our voices will throw off the internal mechanisms.

I should have taken the stairs. It would have been less miserable.

On the street things are just as bad. Usually I don’t let the staring bother me, the pointing and whispering, “Is that who I think it is?” It doesn’t bother me, but today I’m feeling out of my element. I hadn’t realized how integral a part of my life Taylor was until she left.

Now I feel as if I’ve lost a limb.

I feel the loss especially hard when I step out of the elevator and expect to feel her arm link with mine. Together we’d walk down the street, stepping in a silly manner, sometimes wide stepping, sometimes playing hopscotch on our city sized field. But today I walk normally, head down, hands in pockets, just trying to blend into the hustle and bustle. But being 6’2” doesn’t help with blending. I get accosted by some fans. I graciously accept their offered gifts and take a photo with them. But once they are gone I remember how lonely I am.

As long as I have her near I feel I could weather any storm. Even the gossip that starts up when people see us holding hands. None that it matters, “people throw rocks at things that shine.” Or so Taylor says. I want to believe her. But more than that, I want her here with me.


	10. Chapter 10

Days turn into weeks and weeks and fefore I know it July fourth comes around. I get multiple invitations to various parties, but when Taylor invites me for a simple picnic in the park I turn down all other offers.

It’s a nice day when we head out with our blanket and basket of food. Other people are already waiting with their various accoutrement but I don’t notice any of them as I help Taylor stretch out the blanket.

As we each grab the ends of the blanket we swing it up, letting it lift for a moment like a cloud in the sky. While I watch it float down a memory comes to me from all the way back in elementary school. Before I can fully think it through I let go of my end and run under the blanket heading straight towards Taylor. I grab a hold of her just as the blanket drifts down on top of us. I hear her laughing as I lift her up and spin us around.

“What are you doing?”

“Parachute tag. You are it.”

My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel like I’ve acted recklessly. We’re so close I can almost make out her heart beating in her chest. Being this close is dangerous. Any closer and she’d know what I’m thinking; that I don’t want to let her go.

I’m the first to pull away as I remove the blanket from over our heads.

“You are strange, Karlie Kloss.”

I grin widely, “So I’ve been told.”

“People think you are so elegant, because you are a model, but I know the truth.”

I pull my hands behind me as I lean forward and wink playfully, “And what’s that?”

“You are a complete goofball.”

Leaning back I laugh. I exaggerate it as I hold my hands over my stomach and deepen the tone.

When I look back at her she’s smoothing out the blanket on the ground. Even with her head down I can see she’s smiling.

I’ve missed moments like this.

“I should probably run away,” she lifts her eyes, catching me in their gaze as the world around us goes blank, “but I know I wouldn’t get far.”

My heart is booming like a fireworks show as I sit down across from her, “Because you know I’d chase you.”

I wiggle my eyebrows but she’s not looking as she turns to empty the basket. Letting out a disappointed sigh I look off to the side. For the first time I notice the others. There are a lot of families but I notice a few couples. My eyes linger on one pair as they snuggle up on the blanket as if they are the only ones on the hill.

“Karlie,” Taylor’s voice breaks me from the trance as I look back.

She’s smiling in that shy way that makes my pulse pound as she holds out a sandwich to me.

“A cucumber sandwich. I used vegan cream cheese just for you. I hope it’s not too disgusting.”

I take the sandwich, taking a big bite I’m hit with an overzealous lemon zing. I hold back the cringe as I smile through the bite, “It’s delicious. I love it. Thank you.”

I start talking about the last fireworks show I attended with my family and Taylor shares a memory from before her parents divorced.

“Why didn’t you leave with your mom when you parents split?”

She’s looking down as she messes with something on the blanket. I can’t see her face but I can hear the strain in her voice.

“Janet was my step mom. Grant is my half-brother.”

“Oh.”

Oh? Is that really all I can say?

A band is playing at a distance and we let the tunes wafting on the breeze distract us.

I’m the first to break the silence as I ask her, “How is the recording going?”

She plays with a stray string on the hem of her dress as she avoids my eyes, “It’s now what I expected.”

“It’s better,” I say it with hope but from the way her eyes remain fixed on the string I think I’m the only one excited at her change in careers.

“It is nice. But I know when my dad finds out it will end. Good things always end.”

Before I can reassure her there is a loud boom as the crowd around us cheers. The first volley has begun.

There’s no more chance for conversation as the loud light show begins. While everyone’s faces are turned up towards the display mine are fixed on Taylor’s face as the lights cast shadows on it. I’m more captivated by her than the show.

I feel something touch my hand. Looking down her hand is on mine. When I look up she’s pointing up at the sky with a look of wonder in her eyes as she turns to make sure I’m looking. I smile as I can’t help but stare, forgetting the other lights as I become completely entranced by the ones dancing in her eyes.

Over the booms I hear her, only catching the words, “really something.”

My expression has to be dopy as I nod along as if I heard every word, “Something.”

Someone stumbles past, almost knocking into me. The act breaks me from my stupor as I focus completely on the display. It’s only half way through when I feel something touch my arm.

Taylor looks regretful as she calls over the loud booms, “We should be going. We have an early morning tomorrow.”

I cringe as I remember she’s right.

Helping her I force myself not to play around as we pack up the blanket and food. Luckily I don’t think she notices the half-finished sandwich I hid under the blanket.

We’d walked to the park so we start back together.

“You don’t have to walk with me,” is what I say, but I’m not disappointed when she assures me she’s fine accompanying me at least part way back.

“You don’t like to be alone. And neither do I.”

Her smile catches me off guard as I almost trip over the uneven sidewalk.

“Tripping for tall people is so dangerous. At this height we break arms when we hit the ground.”

Taylor laughs at my joke, leaning forward with the sound. I love the sight so much I almost eat it on a pot hole.

We’re half way back when the sky opens up in a sudden downpour. I hold the blanket over our heads as we run to take cover under a store’s awning.

“I do not remember this being in the weather report.”

Taylor rings out her hair as she says, “It wasn’t supposed to be till later tonight.”

Even with the rain the fireworks are still going as she stares out at them like a kid with wonder in their eyes. But the sparks don’t appear for me until she turns her smile on me.

“Come on.”

Grabbing my hands she pulls me out into the rain as she starts to dance around.

“And you call me crazy?”

She laughs as she starts to bounce up and down, opening her mouth as she closes her eyes and lets the water wash over her. Those around us rush past on the sidewalk, skirting around us, as I remain stationary watching her. If it could, I’d have the rain wash away whatever pain hides behind her eyes. Clean her so that sparks could always fly when she smiles.

My eyes wander for a moment as I notice a large man barreling straight at us. I grab Taylor, pulling her away just in the nick of time as the man surges through the spot she’d been standing. In my hurry I pull her too hard as she runs right into me. We stumble back into our previous place of cover. My heart is pounding as I feel her body pressed against mine. Not moving back she lifts her head to look up at me.

I know it’s weird and wrong to desire we stay like this forever, but it feels so right. If only her eyes would never leave mine.

Her curls are a mess and dripping on my shirt but I don’t mind. She does as she pulls away.

Once we’re apart I realize I’ve been thinking ridiculous things. I slide my hands into my pockets as I let my eyes drop to the pavement below. I must look a mess, but that thought isn’t the thing that bothers me.

Get it together, Karlie.

I start to talk as I lift my eyes. When they rise I find her hand hovering in front of me. It pauses for a moment, then continues its mission as it gently pushes back a wet strand of hair hanging in front of my eye. Then it rushes back to Taylor as she holds it in a fist over her heart.

“Sorry.”

I assure her with a smile that it’s okay. The rain stops shortly after that. When it does Taylor says her goodbyes as she gets a cab. As I watch it drive away I realize for the first time that loneliness is not the feeling of being alone but the feeling that comes with the absence of a person.


	11. Chapter 11

It’s August when Taylor’s single is released to test the waters for her album’s release. The waters are just right as it hits the top of the charts the first week. And just like that she’s an overnight sensation. Now when we go out together it’s not just me that people want to see, while she stands to the side. Not I take the side lines as little girls ask for her autograph.

“Have you always wanted to be a singer?”

“No. But I always loved writing.”

Because of Taylor’s rising fame we both get invited to a party. She’s still getting her album ready so we plan on meeting up later. I arrive before her as I search the room for familiar faces. In the center of the room I find a group of my model friends. They greet me warmly as I approach.

“I heard your friend is the talk of the town.”

I smile in reply.

Others might feel proud, like they accomplished something great, but I know the reason Taylor is at this point solely because of her talent. She’s the one with the boundless heart and ability to express it in a magical way. She was already at the edge before taking the leap and I barely had to push. Still, I’m glad she let me take the plunge with her.

We chat about various things, I lose track of some of the subjects whenever I stop to search the crowd.

“What cute guy are you scoping?”

I look at my friend as my brows scrunch in confusion. “No one. I’m not.”

She gives me a knowing look, “Uh huh, sure.”

Eventually I feel my phone buzz. It’s Taylor, “I’m here.”

I lift my eyes, skimming the heads of the crowd as I search for her.

“Karlie,” my search is interrupted as one of my friends elbows my side, “That guy has been checking you out since you arrived.”

I barely make an effort to look before turning my eyes back to their search.

“Karlie doesn’t care. She has a boyfriend,” states another friend in reminder.

My eyes stop their movement as I realize I’d forgotten him. But yes, that would be the reason I wouldn’t notice any of the other people around me.

That’s when I spot her among a group of people who look to have swarmed her before she’d gotten two steps into the room. I head over, linking my arm with hers, casually inserting myself into the situation, as she gives me a quick smile. Then she turns back to respond to a question posed before I arrived.

She’s a natural. I never doubted she would make it if given the chance.

A week later she appears on a talk show where she’s to perform the single live.

I’m backstage with her as she goes over the lyrics in her mind. Her hands are shaking as she paces across the floor. Seeing she’s working herself into a tizzy I step over as I take her hand in mine. I press it to my heart as I tell her, “Don’t panic. Just breath.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“You can and you will. You’ve worked hard to get to this moment and I’m not going to let you psych yourself out of it. You are the hero of this story, Taylor, and you deserve a happy ending. You are the one that broke down the walls, you are the one with the magic voice, and no matter what the pretenders say, you deserve this.”

She closes her eyes as she takes in deep breaths.

“You’ve stood on the side lines long enough, wishing for things to change. Things have changed, and though they’ll never be the same, that’s a good thing. The cynics are only outraged because they refuse to see what I’ve seen all along, you are a bright star shining and stars shine regardless of who is looking.”

Opening her eyes, she reaches up as she holds her other hand over mine, “Promise you’ll be here when I finish.”

“I’ll stand by you forever.”

I kiss the back of her hand before the stage hand comes back to tell her it’s time. Reluctantly I let go of her hand, but it’s time. And it won’t be forever.

Both of us will always remember this moment in the back of our minds.

And I will always love the memories we share together, even as we create new ones.


	12. Chapter 12

My boyfriend and I had planned on attending the upcoming gala together. Since he’s out of town I find myself dateless.

I don’t like to go to places alone so I invite Taylor to accompany me.

“My plus one.”

From the way her mouth moves to the side I can tell she’s not thrilled at the idea. When I take her to the store to pick out an outfit she starts to warm up to the idea.

“How does this look?”

I was looking off to the side but when I hear her voice I turn to see a glowing angel. In a glimmering sequined dress Taylor looks like an ethereal being. For a moment I forget how to breathe.

As soon as I remember I tell her, “That’s perfect.”

Looking back at the mirrors Taylor’s frown tells me she disagrees. “I don’t know.”

She plays with her hair, a signal where she thinks the fault lies.

“Come on.”

We buy the dress then I take her back to my stylist. It’s like a scene from one of those romantic movies where we both get made up for the party. I’d always liked Taylor’s curls but by the time the hairstylist is done even she appreciates them.

“I never knew they could look this good.”

I already had my outfit picked out, a Carolina Herrera suit jacket. The black makes Taylor’s sparkling gown stand out like stars against the night sky as we walk into the event together. All eyes in the room turn towards us and I smile with a hint of pride as I realize not all the eyes are on me. Taylor doesn’t look to appreciate the attention as her shoulders tense. Reaching over I lace our fingers as I draw her hand towards me. Sliding my other hand into my pocket we move together into the room as a I take us to a group of people I know. They all compliment me on my outfit before moving onto Taylor.

“You look amazing,” they introduce themselves as Taylor beams with each introduction.

To the others she appears confident as she laughs along with their jokes and adds her own thoughts to the conversation. But I know from the way she keeps a hold of my hand that she’s still apprehensive. When no one is looking she puts on a shy smile just for me as she tucks her hair behind her ear. Opposite hand, of course.

We’re chatting with another group of people when I feel Taylor’s hand being torn from mine. I look back to find a man grabbing her arm as he pulls her to himself.

“What are you doing here?” hisses the man. Instantly the light in Taylor’s eyes becomes like a flame as she stares at him full on, “You don’t belong here.”

Her jaw sets like she’s ready to fight, but unlike how elegantly she voices her thoughts when she sings, in this moment she remains completely silent.

I step to her side as I take her free hand in mine, squeezing it for a moment. She gives me a brief smile of thanks.

“She’s my guest. Hi, I’m Karlie,” I hold out my hand.

He gives my offered hand a look of contempt before lifting his eyes to my face, “Yes, I heard she’d been given a job watching you. But I wouldn’t think someone of your caliber would take your manager to such an event.”

“I didn’t take my manager,” I turn away from him completely as I smile at Taylor, “I took my friend.”

The fire in her eyes leaves, replaced by a warm glow like that of the sun as she smiles back.

The man snorts before stalking off.

Once he’s gone Taylor releases my hand, an act which makes my chest ache.

I glare after him as I try to ignore the pain, “Who was that guy?”

“Gregory Quick,” my eyes flash to her as she says what I already know, “My father.”

Her tone is hard but there is a sadness in her eyes that tells me that contrary to her stony demeanor the encounter has rattled her. I reach out, taking both her hands in mine as I hold them close in comfort.

“Don’t let him get to you. You belong here. You are a rising star, not because you are getting recognition for your music, you’ve always been.”

By the way her head drops I know my words haven’t pierced the darkness surrounding her like a suffocating cloud of poison.

“All my life I’ve just wanted to be someone he could be proud of. But no matter what I do its never enough. Just when I think I’ve done something right he changes the rules. Half the time he calls I ignore him because I don’t know which version of him I’ll get. My father or…”

“You don’t need his approval.” I lift her hands up till she looks at me, it takes lifting them above our heads to work, but the fact that my backside might be exposed does not faze me, “You are strong, Taylor. You don’t need his approval to shine. He’s just a sad empty man and you are fireworks.”

She gives me a grateful smile but I can tell my words have done little to aid the fresh wounds from her paternal encounter. I don’t bother with goodbyes as I lead Taylor out of the gala.

In the backseat of a cab I watch her break down completely. Pulling her close I let her cry the whole way home.

The month is September. The first time I see her cry.


	13. Chapter 13

After work I say goodbye to Gladys. She took a little extra time but now she’s back. It works out since Taylor is busy with press junkets and radio appearances while she puts the final touches on her album.

It seems like the only time I see her anymore is on TV.

I don’t love missing her.

Outside my model friends ask me to accompany them to a local club. With Taylor busy I have nothing else to do. I start to follow them as we head to the street to hail a cab. Just as the car arrives my phone buzzes.

Taylor’s face is the first thing I see when I look at the text, followed by the words, “I got out early. If you’re not busy, want to play scrabble?”

Sending a reply I look at my friends as they look at me, “Karlie, are you coming?”

“Sorry, something else came up. Another time.”

I move to the back of the car as I raise my hand to call another one.

Clubbing used to appeal to me but tonight I’d rather trade my tight dress for a pair of sweats and the large crowds for a one on one game of words.

I’m beaming as I get in my cab, “Where to, Miss?”

“Home.”

It’s only as he turns back to stare at me that I realize I’ve goofed. I give him my address then lose myself in texting.

“I’m in the cab now. We’re heading down 87th street. We just passed the bagel place. You know the one where you almost choked while laughing.”

“I did not choke. I just inhaled a sesame seed.”

I laugh.

The cab driver looks at me in his rearview mirror as he asks, “Talking to your boyfriend?”

“No.”

I don’t really register his eyebrow raise as I respond to another text. Though she’s not actually with me in the cab, having her replies here in my phone, I don’t feel lonely for the first time all day.

This thought swirls through my mind the whole rest of the cab ride, coalescing into various thoughts until one settles and eventually sticks.

I’m the first to arrive at my apartment. Once I’ve changed and set things up the bell chimes signaling Taylor’s arrival. Joe seems as excited as me as we both race to the door. I don’t know who looks more ridiculous, me or the dog, as I fling open the door.

Taylor laughs before kneeling down to scoop Joe up in her arms.

“Hey. Hope you didn’t wait long.”

“No. I just got ready.”

I notice her outfit as I ask, “Did you head home to change first?”

She gets a playful look on her face as she says, “No. Unlike your job, I can dress down at work.”

I laugh, “I am so jealous. Do you know how uncomfortable hide can be?”

“I can only imagine.”

“You don’t have to. I have the outfit here.” I pretend to head towards my bedroom as she laughs. Once she’s removed her coat I motion to the table where I have the game set up.

It takes me half the game before I accumulate all the letters I want. A few more moves later I have all the words down on the board I need. It’s only when I put down the final word that Taylor notices an error.

“Those words don’t go together.”

“I’m hoping they do.”

She gives me a curious look before looking at the board, “Ein is not a word. And neither is Hme.”

“But if you turn it into a question it makes more sense.”

She frowns as if she thinks I’m being weird. I hope that opinion changes. She studies the board again as I slowly see understanding light her eyes.

“Move in with me?” She looks up at me, “You want to move in together?”

I nod. “Why not? Your dad is a pain. We barely see each other now. And—,” my voice catches on “I miss you” as I instead manage, “My place is closer to the studio. You could sleep in.”

She laughs, “Sleep in and wear sweats to work? That’s the dream.”

My pulse is pounding as I realize she hasn’t yet answered, “Is that a yes?”

Her smile puts all doubts aside as she nods in agreement, “Yes. I will move in with you.”

I thought having a place to myself was okay, but honestly, I love having a roommate. Especially when they are my best friend.


	14. Chapter 14

Though we’re living together Taylor and I don’t see much of each other as we keep different schedules. Almost right after she moves in I get an overseas modeling gig. I spend the first part of October out of the country, only being able to reach Taylor to tell her good morning as she says goodnight.

I think things will be different when I get back but as soon as I arrive at the airport my boyfriend is waiting for me. He showers me with attention to make up for last time, and though I’m happy he’s back, there is a sadness at the back of my mind that I don’t understand.

I’m out with my boyfriend on the weekend when he gets this nervous look on his face. Before I can ask what’s wrong he kneels down and presents a ring. I know there was a point in time when this would have made me cry out with excitement as I leapt into his arms and called out, “Yes, yes. A thousand times yes.”

But as I stare at the glimmering diamond I find myself disappointed at its crystal clarity. Diamonds are so dull. Sapphires are better.

I don’t think I’ve waited that long between the presenting of the ring and his proposal but as I lift my eyes from the diamond the look on his face tells me he senses something is off.

“I thought this was what you wanted? Didn’t you want me to take things more seriously?”

“Yes..”

I did. But that was weeks ago. Practically a lifetime ago.

“Can I think about it?”

His frown shows his displeasure but he begrudgingly agrees. He hands over the ring as I slide it on my finger. It’s tight, making my finger feel constricted as I just manage to get it on. When I try to take it off I find it won’t budge over my knuckle. The thought, “you shouldn’t have forced it” comes to mind, as my heart races with the worry that I won’t be able to get out of it.

With one final tug I get the ring off, knocking over a glass with the release as I watch the ring glimmer as it flies free from my hand. It takes us ten minutes to find it. When it’s back in my hands I return it to the jewelry box.

At home I set the box down on my counter before heading to bed, completely forgetting about it till the next morning. Taylor is the one that reminds me of it as she picks up the box.

“What’s this?”

Before I can stop her she opens it, her eyes growing big as she stares at the diamond.

“Is this—?” she looks at me then back down at the box.

“He proposed last night.”

“Congratulations.”

“I haven’t accepted yet.” I toss my arms back and forth across my body as I let out a heavy sigh. Turning, I shuffle over to the recliner as I flop back on it.

“But haven’t you been wanting him to take things more seriously?”

“It was something I’d mentioned. But that was before…” I lose my train of thought as I wonder “before what?”

“Before what?”

I shrug as I let my head drop back, “Before he proposed. It all seems forced. Like he’s only doing it because he thinks it’s what I want. But I don’t want that. I want him to propose because it’s what he wants, because it’s what we both want.”

“And you are the only one that wants it.”

She sits down on the arm of the chair as I consider her words. I had thought of him as someone I could see myself being happy with. But after his proposal I remembered all our time together. Did I romanticize all of it? Is he really the one I want, or was it the idea of wanting someone that kept us together?

Taylor taps my leg as she reminds me we have to go, “Gladys is probably waiting and we both have busy days.”

I groan at the thought, mostly because she won’t be there with me.

I lose myself in work until a text distracts me. It’s a photo from Dougie, “Your girl is working hard on a new song. Just came in with an idea and I’m letting her roll with it. It’s really good.”

The photo is a candid image of Taylor with her head down. I imagine she’s probably humming to herself as she taps her leg along with the beat only she can hear. At parts she hasn’t completely decided the lyrics she’ll hum then continue with what she has written. I’ve heard her doing this on occasion in her room when she thinks she’s alone. Those times I’ll sit outside her door with head leaned back against the wall and listen.

All I want is for Taylor to be happy and even though I’d like to join her I know when she’s humming like that she is the happiest I’ve ever seen her.

At the end of the day I expect to find her locked up in her room as she continues to work on her songs. Instead I find her waiting for me. With her guitar on her lap she motions for me to come over.

I can’t help but smile as I see here there, eagerly waving to me. Before we moved in together it was hard to have moments like this. After work she’d always insist on heading home.

“My dad likes me to come home right after work.”

The only times I’d be able to convince her was when he had been out of town on jobs.

I sit down on the coffee table in front of the coffee table. She’s holding the guitar I’d purchased for our lessons. She’s the only one who plays it now as I hear her strumming on it in the mornings while I get ready for work and before she heads out.

I don’t know what to make of this whole situation. Since she started working on the album she’s been tightlipped about all the songs. I’ve only heard snatches of songs and those were gained through stolen moments. Now for her to be here wanting to play a song for me, my mind is racing so fast I can’t even think.

“I haven’t written a song like this in a long time. And as soon as it came to me the melody came with it. I don’t have it completely worked out, but I’d like to play what I do have done for you. Would you listen?”

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears but I tell it to be quiet as she strums the guitar. The tune is upbeat and only plays for a moment before she starts the vocals in a sweet tone, “I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion. But you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl.” Her head bobs along with the tune as she hums along to the melody before continuing, “I lose myself in a daydream, where I stand and say, “Don’t say “yes”, run away now. I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door. Don’t wait or say a single vow. You need to hear me out and they said, “speak now.””

The fact that she wrote this in a single day, it’s just mind blowing. I love how creative she is.

Another break with humming then, “She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen but I know you wish it was me, you wish it was me, don’t you?” the way she says the words makes my heart leap to my throat as the key changes “I hear the preacher say, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” There’s the silence, there’s my last chance. I stand with shaky hands, all eyes on me. Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you.

The guitar’s sound becomes soft again, as she sings more tenderly, “I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion, but you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl.”

The final chords of the song fill the silence as we stare at one another. I realize she’s waiting for my opinion as I quickly assure her, “I loved it. I love—,” I stop myself before I reveal what I’ve only just realized.

I love you.


	15. Taylor's Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taylor takes up narration of the story

His hands are small. That’s part of the reason that the strength in them startles me when he grabs a hold of my finger.

“Careful, Taylor,” instructs Janet as she adjusts his blanket.

I give her a pointed look as I assure her, “I’m being careful. I was only a little surprised.”

My new little brother coos as I return my eyes to him. Gazing into his eyes the world seems at peace. Quiet. Still. Then he laughs and the world is filled with sunshine.

To him everything is funny. Silly little things, like raspberry sounds, or games of peekaboo. Hearing his full laugh reminds me that he has nothing to dim the sound. No regrets. No pain. I wish he could stay like that.

At night I sneak into his room as I climb up on the side of his crib. Crawling inside, I lay down beside him as I stroke his stomach as he sleeps. Seeing him at peace like this makes me forget that things aren’t actually that way.

Before I sneak out I kiss him on the forehead as I whisper, “Don’t grow up. Stay this little.”

But he doesn’t listen.

Before I know it he’s walking quickly across the floor. At first he always walks to me but eventually he starts to run away. Each time he does I feel my heart break.

It’s only at night that I find him still as I lay beside him and whisper, “Don’t grow up. Things are simpler now. No one has hurt you. Nothing has scarred you. I know you want to. But don’t ever grow up.”

I bite my lip as I feel my eyes sting with memories. I push them away as I kiss him on the forehead before leaving.

It doesn’t take long before he gets his first scar. Chasing him around the room, in our fun I don’t realize what’s happening until he’s run full force into the edge of the table. As he cries for Janet I realize this is the least of the pain he’ll experience in life.

My fists clench as I my jaw tightens. I know what has to be done

No matter what I won’t let anybody hurt him. I won’t let anyone break his heart. And I will never desert him.

In the mornings we dance around the kitchen in our pajamas as I sing a tune for us to dance to.

We’re both so carefree I can almost believe that things will always be this way.

Then my dad enters the room.

When Grant does something to upset dad I step in to take the brunt of his anger. When Janet and dad get into yelling fights I take Grant outside where I push him on the swing and tell him stories about knights and princesses and places far off where mommies and daddies are always happy.

I put on a smile when my heart is breaking just so he can see something other than a frown. I sing to him so he can hear something other than yelling. But I’m not able to protect him forever. Eventually he comes home crying because the kids at school have picked on him.

If I were big and strong I would beat them up. Instead I take him outside to the swing where I push him back and forth while I sing him songs about wonderful things.

He’s the only one that likes my songs. Dad always screams for me to shut up, “Stop that squawking.” Even Janet grows impatient after a time, “Mommy has a headache. Stop that noise.”

When we are alone at night I sing lullabies to my brother as he drifts off to sleep. Then I kiss his forehead and whisper, “Don’t ever grow up.”

But people can’t stop growing. At least, their outsides can’t stop. Inside my father stays the same. It’s when I’m in middle school that Janet grows tired of him. That’s when the split happens and I realize everything I have is gone. Grant and I barely manage a goodbye before we’re torn apart.

“I’m sorry to leave you with him, but I can’t put up with it any longer,” are the last words Janet says to me before exiting the home, taking my hopes of a happy family with her.

Don’t ever grow up.

I wish I could make the words stick.


	16. Chapter 16

It’s not too long after that heart break I experience my second wound.

The boy I like and had recently started going steady with dumps me for a girl in a grade above ours. To say I never saw it coming is an understatement. It never entered my mind that he would leave me. Much like my family, I thought we’d be forever.

How foolish of me.

What made it worse was how naïve I was in thinking that asking was enough to get him back. I even pleaded with his new girlfriend. She laughed in my face.

“Do you know who you are dealing with?”

She had to know the pain I was experiencing, but she didn’t care. The look she gave me told me she was over me. But she doesn’t know who she is dealing with. I don’t know why she never learned, but stealing someone else’s things doesn’t make you friends. I guess I’ll have to be the one to teach her.

I didn’t just sing songs for my brother, I made them up. Original tunes and lyrics by Taylor, patent pending, whatever that means.

Whenever I see her I spout off words that rhyme with her name. Words which made several of our classmates laugh. I can tell by her frown that she doesn’t appreciate my skills.

To her dour frown I quip a remark about how my ex won’t like it if she develops frown lines. I receive my first hit from a non-family member but I don’t care.

I wish I did.


	17. Chapter 17

Now that I’m older I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to forgive and forget than to fight.

While I’ve stopped making wishes my dreams haven’t yet caught up. At night I dream that things will change. And in the morning light for a moment I believe.

With each new woman my father brings home I hope that things will be different. But eventually the women start to complain, while my world revolves around him, theirs eventually crumbles. And when the floor falls through I am again reminded of who my father really is.

But with each new relationship I give him another chance. Maybe it’s my blind optimism that keeps me thinking things will be different, or maybe it is his sick need to give love before taking it away.

The women in his life can leave when they’ve had enough, when he’s finished completely draining the life from their eyes till they are burnt out, but I always remain after the dust has settled. I don’t really have a choice.

At least, I didn’t think I did.

It took me two years after Janet left to realize I did have a choice. No longer am I going to let him push me around. The cycle of pain ends with him. I’m not going to go down that road.

I decided something similar when I first saw my brother, but I lost sight of it after he left. I had chosen to be a ray of light for his sake instead of dark cloud. But it’s time I choose to be a light for myself or I risk becoming like him.

Most people know Gregory Quick as a passionate individual. That’s how they refer to his verbal abuse: passion. I wonder what they’d call it if he were a woman.

But he keeps his anger mostly under check at work. He saves his worst tirades for home. Janet put up with a lot of his verbal abuse, it was only when he started throwing things that she packed up and left. Now I wear the bruises from his attacks alone. And not all the bruises are mental.


	18. Chapter 18

They say when you don’t get the care you need at home you seek it elsewhere.

Sometimes I think that might be the case with my boyfriend. He’s older and his promise to show me the world keeps me by his side even when things start to break down.

Those around me say they can’t understand why I’m with him, “You are so nice. And he’s so…” they come up with various polite words but I know what they want to say, “He’s a jerk.”

But a jerk is what I deserve. I’m not as nice as they think. In my diary I write down lines and lines of text about the people who have wronged me. I feel strongest in my lyrics, while in person I’m weak kneed and pliable. It’s only because of my hidden words that I know I’m my father’s daughter. He’s like a dragon sleeping in my chest, just waiting to break forth to savage the surrounding land.

My boyfriend is the only one who really knows the dragon exists. When things are good, when we are driving through the country side, speeding through at break neck speeds, we forget about it. But when the thrills start to wear off and when I think he’s giving more attention to his band than me the dragons nostril’s flare. I start a fight just to feel something.

He offers me a beer to, “chill,” but I’ve seen what alcohol does to my father. My face still feels the sting of the last time he drank.

Life is a fragile line we walk. Deep down I know this. And yet I’m surprised when my boyfriend breaks things off.

Just when I was thinking I’d found my place, that I’d figured him out, he goes and changes the script on me.

My dad laughs when he finds me crying afterwards.

“You can’t trust anyone. Gotta leave before you get left.”

His eyes are cold. Their gaze makes me shiver as I realize I’ve seen those eyes recently. His is the same look I saw in my boyfriend’s eyes before he ended things. The same look he gave me when I begged him not to go. The look my father wears when I beg him.

But begging is like wishing and my wishes never come true.

When my boyfriend turned his back to me, my wish for him to turn back did not come true. When I called after him, reminding him he was all I wanted, he did not turn back and take away the pain. He did not take me in his arms and he did not make me smile.

I am a fool for thinking his love would make things right. The whole time I was loving him I was wishing for my father’s love. But in the end I’m left holding nothing as a part of me gets torn away.

I wish that wasn’t that case but it always is.


	19. Chapter 19

“Karlie Kloss is the kind of flawless one wishes they could be.”

This is the thought that enters my mind the first time I see Karlie on TV.

Seeing her in person only reconfirms my feelings. She’s perfect in a way one can only aspire to be, but never achieve no matter how long they try. A distant star seen through a telescope, but when you reach out you find there are millions of miles between you.

Karlie is the kind of person I would be if things were different. The person I aspire to be. The kind of person I wish I really was.

That’s not to say that I haven’t changed a lot. But I feel like there is still something missing in my movement towards happiness. And let’s not mention the elephant in the room; the wall that is my father. He’s like a barrier between me and anything that might remotely bring me joy. It seems his and life’s goal to keep me from shining.

I think this is the case when my father tells me I’ll be filling in as someone’s manager. Managing is his dream, not mine. But any time I try to remind him he threatens me with the back of his hand. Though I’d like to fight I know sometimes it’s better to remain silent. It’s not good to make a situation worse.

Plus, when he mentions that it will be Karlie Kloss who I’ll be managing it’s confirmed that in this case silence was golden. On other days I might have taken things too far and lost the opportunity. I know I shouldn’t goad him, but I’m far past the point of fearing him. I just have to reach the point where I’m brace enough to leave.

That’s not to say that his harsh words don’t affect me. To make up for my first refusal my father makes sure I’m near tears before I leave. But no matter what he says I’ve stopped giving him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

On the cab ride over I collect myself before my first meeting with Karlie.

I bet Karlie would have left a long time ago. In fact, she never would have let him hit her. Not once. And definitely not twice.

When the cab stops I stand on the curb for several moments trying to collect myself. The tears are gone now, replaced with a flurry of butterflies. I feel like I’m made up entirely of the winged insects as I enter the apartment’s lobby. Then the gathering of butterflies explodes apart as I spot her back. Though I’ve never seen it, I know right away that this is Karlie. Not just because of her height but because of the light she exudes. A glow even a blind man would be able to see.

“Miss Kloss?”

I’m hit on full on by that light as she turns to face me. It’s like I’m one of those underground trolls when they step into the light for the first time in years. It takes a great deal of effort to not cower and hiss at the overload of brightness.

After that the first day just moves by in a blur. I’m only able to catch snatches of moments, like the moment she says my name. Does she notice how I flinch each time she says it? Someone like her should not know my name, let alone be saying it this often.

I get a break when we go the gym. To calm myself I open my Google Docs where I keep my contraband poetry. Contraband because if my father found out I was still writing he’d probably burn my phone and then me.

In the first open line I write a new phrase, “He’s the kind of flawless one wishes they could be.” I don’t know if it’s as impactful in this tense and it sounds a little silly, especially with who inspired it, but I leave it.

When I look up again Karlie has completely disappeared. I turn around to find her standing right behind me. The rest of the day is a blurry blur.

You can quote me on that.


	20. Chapter 20

The next day I tell myself things are going to be better.

I wish I’d stop setting myself up like that.

Just before I head out the door Karlie calls to tell me, “I’m going jogging today if you wanted to join me.”

Jogging with a goddess? Yes, that’s what you want to do. Go out in public running beside perfection herself.

And yet I find myself in front of my closet picking out running pants and shirt.

Just as I suspect Karlie looks like Artemis herself as she stands on the side of the jogging path as she performs stretches. I start to back away slowly but she sees me, as she calls me over, waving her hands at me like she’s actually eager for me to join her. As if s he’s excited at my presence.

I can’t fathom why.

Heading over I try to perform stretches as well, but keep losing balance whenever I look at her. They say to focus on a point but if I want to remain vertical that point cannot be anywhere near Karlie Kloss.

She starts off at a slow pace to ease me into things. Once I assure her I’m a jogger she picks things up.

I am not ready.

This girl can run.

My whole body burns by the time we stop to have a water break. I feel like one of my lungs has collapsed and I’m drenched with sweat. Meanwhile miss perfect is only glistening. She coughs briefly before looking like she hasn’t been out of breath once in her life.

Seeing her sip her water I realize I forgot my own refreshment.

“Here.”

She holds out the bottle to me. When I don’t take it she brings it back to her as she wipes off the mouth before holding it out again.

“I promise I’m not sick,” she wears a playful smile as her eyebrows lift. I never thought I’d hate eyebrows, but in this moment I do.

I take the bottle, finishing it off in one long swig.

“Let’s rest here,” says Karlie as if she’d been planning it the whole time. But I know she could keep going. She’s not the one feeling like they are standing on top of a mountain with no oxygen tank.

Gracefully she sits down at the edge of a pond as I flop down beside her. I’m sure the earth shakes beneath her from how hard I hit it.

But she doesn’t say anything as she turns and smiles at me, “You did really well today.”

With anyone else I’d think they were being patronizing, but her smile looks genuine as she turns to look at the water. Clasping her hands in front of her, she stretches her arms out in front of her before lifting them into the air above her head.

I’ve seen this move a thousand times before and move to the side as she brings her arms down. As she gives me a curious look I realized what I’ve done. I thought Karlie Kloss was about to put her arm around me. But that’s ridiculous. We just met and—other reasons.

I’m so on edge right now. I need to take a step back and take a breath.

And so I breath deep.

Oh my. She smells good.


	21. Chapter 21

By the time I’ve exhaled she’s changed my life completely by urging me on towards my dream. Even when she knows I’m hiding something. No one has noticed in a long time. Though she doesn’t know what it is she tries to assure me that I don’t have to go it alone. Even when I’m acting guarded she stays near me till I’m ready to let her close again.

This remains the case when my boyfriend and I break up. In the taxi cab I wonder why I even bother with love when it never lasts.

She won’t let me mope though, as she takes me out for ice cream then we head to her place where we binge watch revenge flicks like “John Tucker Must Die” and “First Wives Club.” After that we plot our own revenge against our exes. And for the whole night we both forget she still has a boyfriend. At least, I do.

But no matter how good things are I know eventually it will change. Each time we say goodbye I brace myself for the next morning when I realize that was the final time. That’s all I’ve ever known is people leaving. But each time she takes me by surprise with how excited she is to see me the next day.

Even three months into our work relationship she greets me as brightly as that first day. Seeing the way she treats me I can’t help but think that she is the best thing that’s ever been mine. But she’s not really mine. We’re just friends. And she has a boyfriend.

“Hold on a minute,” states Karlie as she heads into the back of her apartment. I know her bedroom is back there but I have yet to see the whole house.

As I wait I look back over the parts I’ve only ever seen. There is the recliner where we watched TV our second month together. Something bumps my leg and I look down to see Joe resting against my shin. I kneel down as I scratch behind his ears.

“If I ever get a cat, I hope she’s as loving as you.”

“Probably not, cats are notoriously antisocial.”

I look up as Karlie re-enters the room. Her head is down as she walks so that the left side of her hair hands down over the side of her face, “But if they are your cats I know they will be special, just like you.” She lifts her head to hit me with a smile.

She says things like that so easily. But it doesn’t come off as insincere. I actually believe she finds me special, though I can’t guess what has given her that idea.

“You ready?”

After work instead of heading to a club Karlie and I head back to her place where we blast the music and dance around in the refrigerator light as we make a midnight snack. It’s only eight but for both of us it’s a forbidden treat. We enjoy every bite of it.

When we’re both out of breath from dancing and singing at the top of our lungs we flop back into the recliner.

“When are you going to get a couch?”

Karlie pushes at my legs playfully as they lay across hers, “What? Are you suddenly too good to use Karlie Kloss as a seat?”

Her joke reminds me of the news about recording my very own album. I still can’t believe it. Each time I wake up in the morning I’m sure that I’ll find it to all have been a dream. But seeing Karlie’s smile reminds me it’s real.

Besides my brother, she’s the only one to has supported me in this.

Speaking of my brother. I feel my phone buzz as I look down at it. I’m expecting a call from him. He promised to update me on his life as a high powered executive. Or English teacher, as the lam-o’s like to refer to it. But the name on my phone isn’t his. I frown as I turn the phone on its face so I don’t have to see his name.

Karlie notices my drop in mood as she bumps her shoulder against mine.

“You want to eat something cheesy, or watch something cheesy?”

“Do I have to choose?”

Her laugh is full as she lets her head drop back. Around other people I’m the straight man to Karlie’s goofy jokes. Mine is the loudest laugh when the punch line is delivered. But when it’s just the two of us I find myself making silly jokes that make her throw back her head like a little kid as she laughs loudly.

We’ve had one complaint.

Tonight we take our chances as we have a contest to see who can make the other laugh the loudest.

“And no faking it,” I order Karlie. She does that playful lip curve that makes the dimples in her cheeks appear.

I know we’re in for a long night. But I don’t mind.

I wish it would never end.


	22. Chapter 22

After Karlie “fires” me as manager everything seems to go by as fast as one of those movie montages. Though I’m the one living it, things seem to speed past as I spend most of my time in the studio while we get things ready for the single release. Once that’s done things only snow ball faster as I find myself at various events and on talk shows. Karlie says I’m a natural but each time I step out onto the stage my heart pounds so loudly I’m afraid everyone will hear it instead of me. But as soon as I’m finished, as promised, Karlie is always waiting for me back stage.

Hugging me close after my latest performance she tells me, “You were wonderful.” I feel her plant a kiss on the side of my head that makes my body go warm all the way down. With her arm over me I feel like I could do anything. And again I think she’s the best thing that’s ever been mine. Somehow this careless man’s careful daughter has become a rebel overnight. And it all has to do with this golden goddess.

Because of my rising fame and my connection to Karlie we get invited to do a best friends challenge on a webisode of some internet thing. I don’t completely hear what the thing is about after they tell me I’ll be doing something with Karlie. It feels like it’s been forever since we hung out just the two of us.

For the show they have us do silly things, things I know Karlie loves, like drawing pictures of each other without looking. Karlie thinks my drawing of her is beautiful, “I’m going to put this on the fridge next to Joe’s paw print.

They have us start talking to see who can talk the longest without losing focus. Karlie loses this one, “I couldn’t keep talking, I kept wanting to hear what you were saying.”

The game ends with us doing a staring contest. Karlie closes her eyes asking them to tell her when to go. As soon as they say go she opens her eyes into an intense stare. I’m surprised I don’t blink but I maintain keeping my eyes open.

“I’m not looking at your eyes,” says Karlie, “because I know they would distract me. I already know they are gorgeous.”

I don’t know how she is able to say things like that with getting embarrassed. I can only say things like that through song.

A minute passes as Karlie says, “Are things going hazy for you? I’m letting my eyes go unfocused and everything is getting blurry. Except for you, Taylor, you are crystal clear.”

I crack a smile. I know what’s she’s trying to do.

“It’s not going to work Karlie.”

She wiggles her eyebrows in that playful way. Then she blinks hard as she turns away.

“Oh wow, I couldn’t maintain that stare, you are too bright.”

I laugh as the host asks us to move over to an interview area where he asks us about our relationship.

Karlie answers first as she says, “Taylor was hired as my stand in manager. We hit it off that first day. And what sealed things for me was our second day when Taylor went jogging with me,” she smiles as she leans over to bump my shoulder with hers, “knowing I have someone to go jogging with every day, that’s one of the reasons I know she’s a keeper.”

She’s ridiculous. Why is she so ridiculous?

But I’m beaming in spite of my embarrassment as I realize she remembers that day as well. The day we sat by the water together and I decided that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life; next to her.

But I don’t say that in the interview. That would be exposing too much. I keep things close to the vest while keeping the interview warm and inviting like I actually am saying everything I feel. But I’m not ready for that.

I wish I were.


	23. Chapter 23

Even though I’m busy with my new life at night I lay in bed and feel the weight of missing her press on me. I don’t know if she feels the same way. Does she lay in bed as well wondering if I’m thinking of her?

I have to think yes, when she invites me to move in with her. Things slow down enough our first week together for us to enjoy it. I’m basically like a fugitive in the night when I leave my father’s house. But Karlie doesn’t comment on how “all my possessions” fit within three cardboard boxes. Instead she takes me out so we can get things that “fit both our styles.” Turns out we have very similar tastes. More than I realized.

“We should just share a closet,” states Karlie when we go clothes shopping and both come out of the changing room in the same outfit, “Plus, it will keep us from stepping out in the same thing.”

But I get a few outfits of my own. Karlie prefers jeans, but I only look good in slacks. My wardrobe mostly consists of skirts and dresses. On occasion I’ll borrow a flannel from Karlie but for the most part I keep up my elegant style with as I wear a pea coat while Karlie sports a trench.

Now that we live together we spend our nights together. Sometimes Karlie’s friends invite us out and we accompany them to various events and clubs. Each place we got Karlie stays by my side, sometimes her head is down, sometimes her head is back as she laughs at something I’ve said. Sometimes we hold hands while she keeps her other hand in her pocket. Other times she has both hands in her pockets. But those times she makes sure to bump shoulders with me as if I might forget she’s there.

Our third night living together we stay home as Karlie and I build a pillow fort and have my first actual sleep over.

“I can’t believe you haven’t ever been to a sleep over. That’s just a travesty.”

“What do we do at these things?”

“Make prank calls, have pillow fights, and talk about boys,” her eyes lift in thought, “But let’s not do that last one. We don’t want to fail the Bechdel test. Let’s talk about something more interesting, like coding, or cookies,” her eyes brighten as her face stretches with a smile, “ooh, let’s bake those cookies we’ve been talking about for a while.”

She crawls out of the fort first. I come out only a moment later but by then she has most everything on the counter. She’s obviously excited at the prospect.

Pouring some chocolate chips into her hand she throws them back into her mouth before hitting me with a chocolate speckled smile, “Does talking about food fail the Bechdal test? Because I think it would be far more realistic if girls in shows were always talking about food instead. That’s what me and my friends mostly talk about. That or make up. In movies the girls should at max talk about guys for two minutes before they move on to food.”

She’s so serious about the thought as she effortlessly stirs the mixture of cookie dough. Once it’s mixed she stares at it for a moment as if torn.

“It’s a shame you can’t eat this. I know they make egg free versions, but I guess if I had that around I’d eat so much my cheeks would puff out,” she demonstrates as puffs out her cheeks, holding her hands above them as she bobs her head back and forth, “Do you think I’d be okay?” Her cheeks collapse slightly when she talks, but between each sentence she puffs them out again while keeping her mouth small. Her voice sounds silly as she asks, “Am I still pretty? Could I continue to model like this?”

I cover my mouth as I start to laugh, bending forward as I wind up resting my head on the counter.

“What? Do I really look that bad? Taylor?”

She joins me in laughing.

I wish we could always laugh like this. That we could always be like this.

But my wishes never come true. No matter how hard I wish them.


	24. Chapter 24

It’s only a week before we receive the news Karlie has to go overseas.

“I’d love to take you with me,” says Karlie as we say our goodbyes at the airport, “But I’m not going to be selfish. You work hard so when I get back I can be the first to hear the finished songs. Remember, I’m your number one fan,” she holds up her finger to emphasize her point.

I laugh as we hug one last time before she heads off.

I expect to be too busy to notice her absence, but even when I spent the whole day at the studio I always saw her at night. Even if we didn’t hang out she’d make sure to stop by the studio and tell me how proud she was of me. Throughout the day she’d even send little texts.

Now that she’s gone I only have those texts to get me through. And I know they are all scheduled messages since she’s in another time zone. When I’m up she’s in bed and when I’m in bed she’s off exploring foreign lands.

Each message only reminds me of how much I miss her but I cherish every one.

“You can do it.”

“Be sure to drink plenty of water. Your throat will thank you. Your bladder won’t.”

I laugh so loud Dougie and the others give me looks. I hide my smile behind my phone before I think up a reply.

Does she know how much I miss her? That I find it hard to breathe whenever she’s not around. I’m haunted by past mistakes which I’m sure will eventually catch up to break us apart.

If she were here she’d assure me that won’t be the case, but she’s not here.

When I’m waiting between sessions I think about her off in that distant land. Tall, beautiful, and completely irrational; I hope she’s staying safe. More than that I wish she’d come and take me with her.

Off in that distant land with all those new adventures will she forget me? I may be all the way on the other side of the world but I haven’t let her go. She still feels so close to me.

Before bed each night I look at my screen saver, a photo of us laughing. I’m staring up at the sky while Karlie’s gaze is completely focused on me as she wears her big goofy smile.

“You’re such a dork.”

I’ve told her that before but tonight I wish I could tell her something else. Something I haven’t told her before. Something I always forget to tell her till I’m alone in bed with nothing but the memories of the previous day.

In the studio I get a bouquet of flowers. I half expect to see her name on them, then I remember there’s no way they’d be from her. And they’re not. But I wish they were.

I’ve done nothing but wish since the very first day.

I wish I could stop. But I fear doing so would risk losing her. And she’s one wish I can’t bear to lose.


	25. Chapter 25

I get an invitation to a Halloween party. Without Karlie to accompany me I consider not going. But I know she wouldn’t want me to be a home body. She’d want me to get out there and have fun.

But how can I do that when my other half is off making memories without me?

Karlie lets me raid her closet so I do that night as I pick out a Jane Austen style dress that makes me feel like a princess when I see myself in it. Karlie’s friends are also going to the party and they come over to help me do my hair up.

“If the music thing doesn’t work out, you could be a model,” states Karlie’s friend with a smile. I fake a smile, but from anyone other than Karlie compliments sound fake.

We head to the party which seems just like the same old tired places I’ve visited before. Everyone is insincere, forcing laughter, as their eyes shift from side to side to make sure they are being watched.

I feel my eyes going vacant when something catches my eye. I turn almost completely around as I scan the crowd for the object that made my heart skip a beat. From across the room I see it. The object of my hearts flutter.

Seeing me staring, her eyebrow arches in a playful question of, “Have we met?”

Without me having to ask, she starts towards me, using her powerfully quick walk to close the distance between us in mere seconds. I feel breathless as she stops just in front of me, like a dancer approaching his tango mate.

Then she pulls back as she performs a sweeping bow. “Princess.”

I smile as Karlie gives me a wicked grin before standing straight again.

“So you guessed who I am. What about you?”

Her head tilts as she side eyes me like she can’t believe I don’t know. Pulling at her cravat she informs me, “I’m Prince Charming.”

My breath catches again as she gives me a dashing smile before extending her hand.

“Care to dance, my lady?”

It’s electric as our hands touch, but she maintains her playful demeanor, completely unfazed while the world around me fades. At the center of the room it’s just the two of us as she spins me around. I’d forgotten how enchanting her smile is. As she dips me down our faces hover above one another as she wiggles her eyebrows before bringing me up again.

Does she know that she leaves me wonderstruck?

The night is completely flawless and I wish it would never end. But if it has to, then I hope this is just the first page and not where the story ends.

My mind has been echoing with her name since the first moment we parted and since she’s returned the sound has only increased in volume.

Can she hear my heart beating her name?

Does she know since that first moment we met that I’ve been enchanted to meet her?

If she does know she plays it cool as we stop our dancing to join a group of her friends. I like her friends but that night I wish we could just leave them and spend time catching up. I want to ask her so many things: what was it like? Did you eat anything exotic? How different is it?

But mostly I want to know: Did you miss me?

As she talks with her friends the world around me goes silent as I hear my heart beating a sad wish in a melancholy tune, “Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”

And like all my wishes, my hopes are dashed as Karlie’s boyfriend slides his hand around her waist as he leans in to kiss her on the cheek. Though she’s still holding my hand I know I’m not the one actually holding her.


	26. Chapter 26

I don’t have to ask Karlie who she loves.

I know the answer without asking.

The answer is: Not you.

I’m up at two AM knowing this is the case and yet I can’t help wishing that I were wrong. I can’t help imagining a knock at the door as I open it to find her waiting on the other side to tell me, “I was enchanted to meet you.”

But life only likes to break my heart as the door remains silent.

I don’t know when I fall asleep but next thing Karlie and I are being dropped into the water. At some point Karlie agreed to do some wild Asian game show and somehow I got roped into it. All I know is that the game involves climbing a rope. I hadn’t been told there’d be water.

Both of us treading water as the rope that links us together floats between us. I spit out water as the rocky waves push us apart.

“Karlie!”

“I’m right here. Don’t worry.”

Her shape in front of me is darkened by the deep fog that sits over the water. Through it I just make out the rope we are supposed to climb. Its end grazes the top of the water while the rest of it rises out of sight through the fog.

Karlie reaches the rope first as she wraps part of it around her wrist to secure it to her before looking back at me. Reaching out she calls for me to join her.

“You go first.”

“I can’t climb.”

It’s a ridiculous thing to admit at this point, but I didn’t get much of a say in the matter.

“Then I’ll go up first. Just hold on and I’ll pull us both up.”

I don’t know how she’s going to manage that but before I can object I lose her in the fog.

“Karlie!”

“I’m right here.”

I hear her but I can’t see her.

As the rope tying us together rises up it seems to grow longer as I hear her voice coming at a greater distance while I remain treading water.

“Karlie, I don’t think this—.”

Something rough brushes my leg. I feel my heart leap in panic as I try to look down into the water. It’s as dark as the sky is murky. Even if I can’t see what it is I’m not going to risk it.

I grab the rope. As soon as I do the rope between Karlie and me tightens as I feel myself start to rise as Karlie pulls me with her.

“How is she doing this?”

There’s a splash beneath me. I look down just in time to see a great white leaping up at me. I scream as I instinctively kick at it. I hit it in the snout, throwing it off as it falls back into the water. I’m still rising but it seems dangerously slow as I start to try to pull myself up. As my pace quickens the shark leaps again. This time instead snapping at me the shark snaps at the rope. It seems ridiculous but as soon as its teeth clamp on it the giant fish morphs into a tiger.

My mind is screaming “this is ridiculous!” but all I can see is the tiger’s fangs as it climbs after me in leaps and bounds.

“Karlie!”

My arms are on fire as I try to climb faster. But the fog is even thicker so that I can’t see anything higher than my hand as it stretches up at the rope. Worst still I can’t hear Karlie anymore.

I can feel the tiger’s breath on my ankles but just when I think it’s going to bite down I hear Karlie’s voice.

“Hold on.”

I don’t question the order as I do just that. As soon as I do the rope connecting us grows lax before I see her fly down past me. I’m screaming at her as I watch her dive bomb the tiger. But for the record it’s Karlie: 1 Tiger: 0.

As I watch the tiger fall back into the fog Karlie swings back to the rope as she takes a hold. She’s wearing that dashing prince’s smile again as she looks up at me.

“You okay? Are you having a nightmare?”

“Yes. What is this you got me into?”

Instead of answering she smiles.

Something touches my shoulder and I scream as I come to in bed. Karlie looks worried as she stares at me, her hand hovering over my shoulder.

“You were groaning in your sleep. It sounded unpleasant. Are you okay?”

It was just a dream. Of course it was just a dream. Karlie wouldn’t put me in danger like that.

Even knowing that my hands are still shaking as I head into the bathroom to get ready.

When I come out I find Karlie looking just as distracted. Did she have the same dream? No. That’s not possible.

As I grab the keys I notice a velvet box sitting on the counter. I reach for it not realizing as I do that I’m reaching for the tiger from my dream. And like a fool I stick my hand right in its mouth.


	27. Chapter 27

Karlie doesn’t tell me why her and her boyfriend break up and I don’t ask. She makes it sound like a mutual decision, but from the way her friends whisper when she’s out of the room it sounds like she was the one to break it off. I don’t know what is the truth but what I do know is I need to be there for my friend.

I move some things around and manage to get us both a weekend off.

“Road trip!”

Her eyes light up for the first time in a while as she packs a day bag. The day bag for a model consists of one mini luggage and a carry on. But who am I to judge? I pack the same amount.

The weather is nice, if not a little chill, as we drive out to the countryside. We make a stop at the beach were Karlie suggests we go for a swim.

“I’m not a polar bear.”

“Could have fooled me,” she laughs at her own lame joke and I can’t help but smile.

Instead of swimming she chases me through the cold waves. After that we sit on the hood of the car as we let the sun dry us off. It doesn’t work that well so we change our clothes in a nearby rest stop.

“Trade you tops,” says Karlie when we come out of the stalls.

“Deal.”

Back on the road we drive with the top down as I let my arm make waves through the air.

“We look so BA right now,” states Karlie as she looks at me. I see myself reflected in her aviators. I wish that wasn’t that only place I was reflected.

But I push that thought aside. Today I’m her friend. Her confidante. Her rock.

I don’t feel so rockish later when we arrive at our lodge in the woods. It’s still early so Karlie suggests we go hiking. After gearing up I struggle to keep up with her. Sure, I’m a country girl, but it’s been a great while since I walked through it.

For Karlie it’s old hat as she effortlessly moves across rocks and streams. But maybe everything for her is effortless.

Just as we reach the trail head it begins to sprinkle. Karlie let’s out a long exasperated sigh.

“Just when I was getting my heart rate up.”

I laugh at the idea. As if anything could make Karlie breathless.

“What a shame,” I reply, “what a rainy ending given to a perfect day.”

She smiles at me, “That’s a good line. You should put it in one of your songs.”

I shake my head with a pursed smile a she walks back past me, “You’re not going to be one of those people who is always suggesting things I should write songs about?”

“No,” she balances on a rock for a moment, seeming to float like an angel, before lightly touching back down on the ground, “But if you ever wanted to write a song about me I wouldn’t mind.”

She spins around to flash a smile at me before turning her back to me again. How does she manage to do everything so effortlessly? I feel like a complete clod as I trudge after her. My legs are like that of a new born deer as I wobble after her, trying to stay upright as the slick rocks try everything in their power to bring me down to their level.

It’s when we spot the sign signaling our return to the lodge grounds that the rocks finally win. I only get out a quick, “Kar—!” before I tip to the side. I feel a shark pain in my hip followed by mini pricks of pain in my palm. The pain is followed by the sensation of wetness as I realize I’ve landed in a puddle. It splashes up on me to add insult to injury.

Just as the last of the puddle lands on me Karlie spins back around. Seeing me she rushes over as she kneels down at my side.

“You okay? Anything broken?”

“Just my pride,” I wince as she helps me up, “Oh wait, you didn’t say bruised.”

“Pride can be broken too.”

I know she’s just humoring me as she places my arm around her shoulder. I note how comfortable the placement is when she slides her hand around my waist. Yet another perfect match. Then the searing pain in my hip reminds me I have other things to consider.

“Go slow.”

She nods as she start the slow trudge back.

My hip doesn’t throb as much when we finally get back to the room, but I am covered in mud. There’s only one shower and since she’s isn’t as “natural” as me, as she jokes, she lets me go first.

The hot water helps the sting in my hip and as I forget it I remember the feeling of Karlie pressed close with her hand around my waist. She’s held it there before for photos but today felt different. Everything lately between us has felt different. I can’t really pinpoint when the change started but things really started to be noticeable after her and her boyfriend broke up.

Something splashes against my foot, something cold and sticky. I look down as I realize I’ve been pouring shampoo this whole time to the point that most of it has splashed to the floor. Letting out a tired sigh, I move to set the bottle back on the shelf. As I do my foot touches the puddle and I feel my hands fly up as the rest of me falls back.

I must look a sight, lying here on the ground with my limbs splayed while the water splashes over my prone figure. I can just imagine myself being center stage in a crime show. The victim that was found completely exposed in the tub so that they had to cover them up before the detectives come into the room.

“How did she die?”

“She slipped on the bath soap.”

“People still die of that?”

“Ditzy blondes do.”

The scene doesn’t take long to imagine, only a second really, and once that second is over Karlie responds to the loud crash as she bursts into the room.

“What happ—,” I really must look ridiculous as Karlie’s face fights between worried and amused. As she decides which expression to take I move my arms down to cover my exposed bits. Noticing the action Karlie’s face takes on a third expression: hurt.

I loosen the cover up as she moves down to help me up. Pausing as she takes my hands she looks down at the water as it mixes with the mud coming off my body.

“Reminds me of the river after a flood.”

“Think I’m finally clean?” I mean it as a joke but as her eyes come back to mine I feel my face heat with the intense gaze.

“Not quiet.”

There is no joking in her tone as she reaches into the shower and grabs the shampoo bottle. Squirting some into her hands she spreads the mixture through my hair as she starts to work it into a lather. For a second I think of Joe and the times I’ve seen her give him baths in the sink. But something about this feels different. Her touch is soft as she moves her hand to wash the soap across a muddy stain on my arm. The caress is intimate but not in a sexual way. But it’s far different from the times I wiped dirt from my brother’s face when I’d help bathe him.

“Taylor.”

Something is off about Karlie’s voice. My heart leaps to my throat as I look at her face. The water from the shower has completely drenched her clothes and hair. Seeing her like this takes me back to the fourth of July when we got caught in the rain. The same strand of hair has fallen in front of her face. Like before I reach up as I start to brush the hair back. This time she stops me as she grabs my hand.

“Don’t.”

Though I’m completely exposed, it’s not until she says those words that I feel naked. A distance has formed between us. I can feel this even as she helps me up. Though our bodies are pressed together as she helps me back to the bed and helps me dry off, there is a barrier between us.

As she covers me with a blanket I think of our apartment back home. I see my drawer of things, not just in my bedroom but in the living room and kitchen. Little things I’ve added to her life. My throats tightens as I realize I may not be as much a part of her life as I’d previously thought.

Right now I wish I could tell her that I’ve loved her from the very first day and she’ll tell me that for her it’s the same.

But my wishes never come true.


	28. Chapter 28

My hip is throbbing when I wake up the next morning. I remember how it happened but forget where I am when I open my eyes.

As soon as I recall I roll over and to find Karlie. Her bed is empty, her blankets untouched.

When I fell asleep she was still up. Did she ever go to bed?

I put on my pajamas before going to bed. Getting up a change out of them. When I’m done Karlie still hasn’t returned. Heading down I ask the concierge if he’s seen her.

“She headed out on a hike this morning.”

My heart leaps in fright as I remember my spill. What if she’s out there alone lying dead on the hiking trail?

I really need to stop watching crime shows.

My panic persists as I head to the front doors. Just as I’m about to go through Karlie comes inside. Her cheeks are a rosy red and her pulled back hair has several fly-aways. For a moment the perfect goddess looks human. Then she smiles and I’m reminded she’s not of this world.

“You’re up.”

I nod, not completely understanding the change in demeanor. She notices my confusion as her head drops in a downcast look.

“About last night…I’m sorry. I guess this…thing,” she moves her hand in a motion that means nothing other than that she’s nervous, “I let it get in my head and make me crazy.”

Before I can stop myself I reply, “But…”

She shakes her head, “No but, this is a buttless apology.”

I laugh in spite of the seriousness exactly because I know she’s not being serious even as her face remains downcast with a somber expression.

Then her eyes peek up at me, “Forgive me?”

Her hopeful smile makes my heart spasm as I reach up to the area above the organ.

“We all make mistakes. You’re not a saint.”

The old Karlie is back as she jokes, “That’s true. I’m not a saint. I’m known far more for the things I do on the mattress.”

Her eyebrows lift as her lip curls in a grin. I reach up to cover my wide mouthed expression. My eyes dart across the room to see if anyone heard her. Grabbing her arm I lean forward as I remind her in a whisper, “You can’t say things like that.”

“Would you like me to show you?” her eyebrows wiggle playfully as she moves her hand to grab my hand holding her arm.

My heart is pounding like a drum the whole way back to our room and loses all ability to move when the door closes behind us.

I’m out of breath as Karlie turns to face me. She’s wearing a devilish look as she bites the corner of her mouth. I can’t do anything but stare as she starts to pull off her coat in what feels like an excruciatingly slow manner.

“Want to join me?”

She keeps facing me as she backs towards the bed. Just before her legs hit it she looks back then leaps up. I can’t help but laugh as Karlie, playful, hell of an actress, Kloss starts bouncing on the mattress.

“See, I’ve got mad skills. The kids are still saying that right?”

She does a spin in the air before coming down again.

As I calm down I motion for her to come back to earth, “You shouldn’t be doing that.”

“Join me,” she reaches out, opening and closing her fingers in a plaintive motion. When I don’t move she sticks out her lower lip in a pouty expression, “No fun.”

She starts to bounce with her eyes closed as she moves her body as if she’s dancing to a tune only she can hear.

“Play me one of your songs. Something just for me; no one else.”

I wish I did have a song for her, but right now the only thing I can hear is my heart beat.

Eventually she stops as she folds her legs up under her and lands in a seated position. Once she’s settled she pats the place beside her as she tells me, “Come sit.”

I still don’t know what to do but being next to her is something I want so I move onto the bed.

“Truth or dare?”

“Karlie.”

“I’m serious. We didn’t know each other when we were younger and we never got to play. So~o,” she draws out the final syllable before saying again, “Truth or dare?”

I don’t know why she’s doing this, but I play along in hopes that things are really back to normal. Or at least as normal as they can be between us.

“Dare?”

“I dare you to tell a truth.”

I frown, “You can’t do that.”

She laughs so that her head goes back, “You follow the rules too much, Tay. But alright,” she becomes serious again, though a smile is playing at the edges of her mouth, “I dare you to tell me the truth about how you feel about me.”

My eyes narrow, “Again, that’s not really how dare…” my objection fades as I realize what she’s asking me.

Does she know? Has she finally realized? Is that why she was so upset, because she realized the full extent of my feelings for her?

I’ve heard people can be really mean when they find out their best friend likes them. Is she wanting me to admit so she can ridicule me? So she can tell the press and drag me through the mud.

No. I can’t even imagine that. It’s not Karlie. Even when I let my idealizations of her slip away I can’t see her acting that way.

Her expression is just as serious as she studies me, waiting for my response. But I don’t know what response to give her. Do I give her the truth, or a half truth? I could say I like her and that could be interpreted either way. Or I could tell her the whole truth.

How she makes my breath catch in my throat every time I see her.

How ever since we saw that fireworks show together I’ve seen sparks fly whenever she smiles.

Or I could tell her about how I remember the swing of her step, even when I’m alone.

How I see her as the life of the party, always showing off, as I roll my eyes and act like I don’t enjoy seeing her goofing around. That when I object to her making me dance, how I really enjoy every moment of the time that she holds my hand as we spin around the room.

What if I told her I love how she walks with her hands in her pockets, her head down?

How it makes my heart quake every time she pauses just in front of me before looking up with that silly Zoolander smile. But I enjoy it the most when she gives me her own Karlie Kloss patented grin.

Why not share how I spent my time while she was gone? Watching her life in pictures like how I used to watch her when we were together. I might add that I worried the whole time she was gone that she’d forget me, like how I forget to breath whenever she’s around.

But that’s not even half of it.

The only reason I hung around with her friends was so I could ask them about her.

While I was hoping it was nice where she was I was just as adamantly wishing that she’d come back to me and never leave again.

But I don’t know what to say.

I don’t even know where to start.

“That was a pretty good start.”

Karlie’s gaze is soft as her lips curve with a smile. I don’t understand what she means till I realize I’ve just said all that aloud.

My passionate thoughts became so loud in my head they started to seep out of my mouth.

I cover the guilty opening with my hands, “How much did I say?”

Karlie is back to teasing as she says, “I think it started with me having a sparkling smile.”

I groan as I lean forward to bury my face in the covers.

“Taylor.”

I lift my head to find Karlie resting her chin in front of me.

“It’s okay. I really don’t hold your having those feelings against you.” I watch her sit up as she touches her chest, “I am an amazing person. Who wouldn’t fall for me?”

I groan as I hide my face again. While I’m feeling mortified she’s having a field day. Why, oh why, did I ever develop a crush on Karlie Kloss?

I hear her exhale heavily as I picture her putting her hands on her hips in a dramatic pose, “I guess it’s my turn.”

I don’t move as Karlie taps me on the head, “Hello, it’s my turn. Ask me, truth or dare?”

The blankets muffle my voice as I reply, “Truth or dare?”

Again she exhales as if she is actually pondering it, but I know it’s all an act. She really is a hell of an actress.

“Truth. Now ask me how I feel about you.”

I finally lift my head as I remind her, “You can’t tell me what to ask you.”

“Then ask me.”

I don’t know how she’s able to be so calm and cool when I’ve just bared my soul to her. Even last night I wasn’t this naked. But she’s acting as laissez faire about the situation now as she was then.

Does anything flap this girl?

Spreading out her arms she motions for me to bring it on, “Ask away.”

I can’t bring myself to ask the same question, all I can manage is knowing, “Could you love me back?”

“Yes.”

Her answer is so quick my brain doesn’t register what she’s said as I tell her, “This is important to me. Could you be serious for just a moment?”

“I am being serious. I could love you back. In fact, I do love you back.”

Karlie’s wide smile is the thing that finally breaks through as I realize what she’s just told me.

“Wait? You love me?” She nods, “But how? Why? When?”

She laughs, “Hey, you already had your turn. Now it’s mine.”

I take her hands in mine as I set them down on the bed, “No. I’m serious.”

Her expression is soft and her voice is gentle as she says, “The how is something I’ll spend the rest of forever telling you. The why is something I want to find out as we spend that forever together. And the when…” her eyes lift as she thinks about it. Her smile signals her finding the answer as she returns her eyes to mine, “The when was the first moment I saw you.”

Contrary to every moment leading up to this I realize my wishes do come true. At least wishes that have anything to do with Karlie Kloss. Genies have nothing on her and wish fulfillment as I found out when she leans forward to kiss me.

I’ve never felt anything this soft and never this gentle. And yet there’s a power to it.

Forget phenomenal cosmic powers, Karlie’s lips are where the real ultimate magic is found.

“I wish we could do this forever.”

I feel Karlie’s smile against my mouth as she presses into me, “Wish granted.”


	29. Karlie's side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karlie takes up narration again

I couldn’t tell you what went wrong. I couldn’t even trace it like a conspiracy theorist back to the original cause. But just as soon as things began they ended.

Though Taylor said she loved me she ended up leaving. Packed up her things in boxes and left me with nothing but faded images on the wall where our photos together used to hang.

At night I can still feel her arms around me and wake to find her gone. When I remember I put on her clothes and sit in the middle of the floor in front of our chair and cry. No matter what I did, no matter what I said, it wasn’t enough in the end. And I don’t know how to be the kind of someone she’ll miss. Because I never thought we’d have a last kiss. I didn’t even, couldn’t even imagine that it would end, that I’d be left with her name forever on my lips.

It feels like just yesterday we were nestling together on our seat, her legs up over me, resting on the chair’s arm, as she talked over the movie we were watching. Seeing the way her feet bounced as she hummed along to the soundtrack made my heart skip as I realized I could finally do what I’d been wanting to do for a long while. Though she was talking I rudely interrupted as I leaned down to kiss her. Then she looked at me with pursed lips as she let out an exaggerated, “Rude.”

But now I’m alone in the chair sitting in a bare apartment. We hadn’t even hung up Christmas decorations yet. I’m reminded of this every time I head out and see the lights. We’d both gotten so busy with our jobs we’d kept putting it off.

Was that the reason she left, because I didn’t make time for her? I saw her most every night and I’d thought that would be enough till we found more time, but now I realize I should have tried harder.

Through the internet I hear she’s off doing a signing for her CDs release. I hope where she is the sun is shining. But more than that I want something to remind her of me and for her to wish she’d stayed.

We changed plans in order to see more of each other, but I don’t think either of us planned on her changing her mind.

The hurt piles up as I try to lose myself in work. When I finally come up for breath it’s March. The first anniversary of our meeting.

My friends seem to think enough time has passed for them to talk about her as one asks, “Did you hear about Taylor’s father?”

Just hearing her name shatters my heart as I try not to break down with it.

“No. What?”

“Apparently he’s abusive. His girlfriend made a court case against him for mental and physical abuse. As soon as she did other women came forward. Even some co-workers are speaking out against him. Do you think Taylor knew?”

Though she never said it, as I hear it now I realize that Taylor knew. She knew first hand just how horrible he was. My own pain subsides as I think about how much she’s had to endure this whole time. If only I had known I could have been there for her and then maybe—no, this isn’t about me.

Not long after that it comes to light that Taylor was abused, as her step mom talks about how terrible of a father the man had been.

In an attempt to discredit her the media tears into Taylor, accusing her of being complacent to her father’s abuse. Some even accuse her of being just as bad for not coming forward about his nature.

Whenever I come across one of those posts, or get a chance to talk about it, I remind them, “She was a little girl when that happened to her. None of us realize how hard it would be for her to speak out about it. Instead of berating her we should admire her for being as well-adjusted as she is with how long she was imprisoned with that man. Because that is what she was, a prisoner. I’m glad to see she and the other people are finally free of him. Good riddance.”

I don’t even care if Taylor sees or hears about my defense. But I won’t lie; I wouldn’t mind. But this isn’t one of our cheesy rom-coms. Just because I understand a little bit better why she was always so guarded and just because she might hear about me defending her doesn’t change a thing.

I can still wake up at night and reach for her but she’s not going to be there. I could stand outside her door in the rain while someone shoots off fireworks in the background, but she’s not going to come back to me.

I could say sorry until I’m breathless and if this was movie she’d have returned by now. But people change and these things happen. I don’t know why it happened to us.

I had thought things were fine when we’d sat together with her locked up in my arms. But now I’m alone on the couch and she’s out there, somewhere, moving on, while I wait for her. And that’s all I’ve done since she left.

I just want it back the way it was before. I want to open the door to find her on the other side, fist raised mid knock.

“I couldn’t stay—.”

And I’d hug her close.

But she’s not there.

Even though I thought she’d be by now.


	30. Chapter 30

In my need to keep busy I agree to come back for a Victoria’s Secret show.

At the first day of rehearsals I keep busy as I catch up with old friends. Off in the distance my ear catches a sound as I tune out of the conversations in front of me and tune into the sound behind. I don’t have to see her to recognize her laugh. My heart aches as I realize she’s become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.

Excusing myself form the group I head in the direction of her laugh. Hanging back I watch as she chats lively with some of the models. At one point she reaches up to cover her mouth with the back of her hand. I can’t remember if that’s a sign of a genuine laugh or something she does when she’s putting on a show.

I used to know her so well but now I don’t know her at all.

A friend finds me. Seeing where I’m looking she touches my arm as she asks if I’m alright.

I fake a smile while feeling like crying.

Heading back to make up I get a touch up before heading out onto the runway as we do a dress rehearsal. Back in the dressing room I spot Taylor across the room. Once upon a time my spot was next to her. Now I search the room for an empty seat as I wait for my turn to come up again.

Though the room is crowded she’s all I can see. I just want her to look my way so I can know if it’s killing her like it’s killing me. But her face remains turned away as she loses herself in the various activities going on around us. I’m losing my mind, but she keeps it together. If this is a contest to see who can act like they care less I know I’m losing.

I know this especially well when I realize I’m trying to gather up the courage to head over. But I can’t bring myself to make a move just yet. I play with my costume, I help others with theirs, anything to look busy, as I can’t help but feel she’s doing her best to avoid me.

Just let me fight for you. But I don’t need to fight, I just want to love you again.

Why pretend like it was nothing?

I want to tell you how much I miss you, but I don’t know where to start.

Was it a miscommunication? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something?

There are so many things I wish she knew, but I can’t say any of them. Her walls are up and there’s no way inside. Even being as tall as a giraffe I don’t think I could scale them. But I’d try if it meant getting a chance to talk to her again.

I’ve never heard silence quite so loud as when I come home to an empty apartment.

But I can’t say any of that as I give her what I think she wants from me: space. And if need be, Gravity level space.

I shouldn’t have said that. Gravity was something we watched together.

Time for another touch up.


	31. Chapter 31

When the day of the show finally comes I’m completely focused on the job. Taylor and a few other artists are supposed to perform while we are walking. I don’t hear any of it as I lose myself in the runway walk.

It’s not till the end when all the models are standing out on the stage that I come back. Just when I think I’ve made it through Taylor steps onto the stage.

“Tonight I was supposed to end with Long Live off my album,” she’s drowned out by the crowd. When they calm down, “But tonight I want to play something I wrote yesterday. As I said in an interview this whole album is about things I wish I’d said to different people. And up till now there was one person I couldn’t find the words for. But yesterday they came to me. I spent the whole night working on this, so I’m sorry if I have bags under my eyes.”

The crowd laughs and I hide the ache of a smile behind my hand.

“It’s a little rough but please bear with me.”

She holds out her mike to the stage hand who brings over a headset and her guitar. Another stage hand brings a stool which she takes a seat on before adjusting the guitar on her lap.

“I’m sure you all heard about my dad. I’m not going to lie and say that things with him haven’t scarred me. They have. But I’m not going to use those scars as excuses for my actions. I know I’ve hurt people, some who really did not deserve it, not that anyone deserves to be hurt. But I wrote this song…” her eyes close as she lowers her head, “I’ll just let the song speak for itself.”

Using her multi-finger picking she starts to play, “I’m so glad you made time to see me…”

My throat tightens at the sound of her voice. I couldn’t even go out when the CD released because it was playing everywhere. I broke down in so many public restrooms that first week. Then I just started wearing headphones everywhere I went.

“Your guard is up and I know why. Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses and I left them there to die.”

Her words take me back to that night. To our fight. The remains of the rose petals still stain the grout in my counters.

I want to walk away, but I know I have to stand my ground.

Taylor is facing the crowd but the music swells around her as a band joins in she spins around to f ace the row of models, “So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night,” and I got back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you. Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine. I’d go back to December, turn around and make it right. I go back to December all the time.”

I feel something hit my side as I tear my eyes over at the woman beside me, “What is she doing? Is she singing to one of us?”

My heart leaps at the idea as hope swells in my chest as I turn back.

“These days I haven’t been sleeping, Staying up, playing back myself leavin’.”

No. She can’t be singing to me. I can’t let myself get lost in another fantasy.

I’ve done that too many time already.

“I think about summer, all the beautiful times, I watched you laughing from the passenger side. Realized I loved you in the fall. And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. You gave me all your love and all I gave you was “Goodbye.”

My eyes sting as her image blurs. I know my makeup is going to smear as I reach up to wipe the tears, but the show is over.

“I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. And how you held me in your arms that September night the first time you ever saw me cry.”

My hands are shaking as I watch her stand up as she starts to move towards the line of models.

“Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming, but if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right. I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t. So if the chain is on your door I understand.”

The music fades as she lets her guitar fall to her side as she stops directly in front of me.

“But this is me swallowing my pride. Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.”

I hear the other models whispering to each other as the one closest to me bumps my arm and asks, “What is this about?”

Taylor is wearing her insecure smile, the one just between hope and despair. I want to make a joke about buts and not butts but instead I unlock the door and let her in.

As I hold her close I hear the guitar let out a discordant sound as she lets it go in order to hug me back.

Her voice is muffled as she buries her face in my neck, “I’m sorry. I was afraid. I’d thought you’d leave me so I left first.”

I hold her tighter as I pour all my love and forgiveness into the embrace.

The crowd around us is murmuring in confusion but I tune them out as I completely focus on her.

Pulling back I keep a hold of her as I look her in the eyes, “I’m willing to start over. Just please don’t push me away anymore. I’m here for you.”

Her smile is watery as she nods, “Wish granted.”

I hug her close again till I feel her hands pushing against my chest. As I pull back she gives me a look I haven’t seemed to forget even in our time apart.

“Are you sure you want to do this here?”

I smile as she nods.

“Wish granted.”

And there on the stage, in front of a live audience and the whole world, I kiss her for the first time.

Let me just say, fireworks have nothing on Taylor when it comes to wow factor. But we save the big show for later when we are alone.

I get a triple letter score on Q. What are the chances?

Side note: the word was Quick.

I love coincidence.

But not as much as I love Taylor.


	32. bonus

Taylor is on our new couch lying on her stomach, her feet in the air, rocking back and forth behind her. She’s humming a melody that is only playing in her head. Probably something for her next album. A work she’s telling me nothing about. Again.

“It’s a surprise. But let me just say, my hands are tied when it comes to telling you about it.”

She laughs at a joke only she gets.

Sitting on the edge of the couch I try to peak over her shoulder. I’m disappointed when I find she’s just staring at a magazine.

“What are you reading?”

“I was reading about couples and their couple names,” she rolls onto her side as she props her head on her hand. She recently cut her hair so that her curls look more like waves now. I’m a little disappointed that it takes me less time to run my fingers through her hair but she has no complaints.

“You were always getting your fingers tangled.”

“Forgive me for not having as graceful of fingers as you.”

I come back to the present as she tells me, “I was thinking…what would be our couple name?”

I want to laugh but I know she’s being serious in her own playful way, “Usually they combine the couple’s first names. We would be,” I think for a moment, “Karlor.”

She frowns, “Sounds like the villain in a fantasy novel.”

“What about Kaylor?”

Her smile returns, “The name of an elven princess.” I can tell she likes the name as her head bobs back and forth in a content movement, “And we do look like elvish royalty. Didn’t a magazine say that?”

“You, my lady, are nothing less than a queen.”

I grin just before a pillow hits my face.

Taylor’s laughing as she removes the fluffy weapon from my cheek, “You are such a goof.”

I let out a laugh like Goofy before I pounce.

Taylor’s squeals are the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard, followed closely by her cries of terror.

“No. Not there. Not there!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you like this or one of my other stories and have the ability to, I have my own donation page. Any and all support is much appreciated.
> 
> https://www.buymeacoffee.com/WishaDream


End file.
